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Issue #1020
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From Russ

From Wayne

The Ontarion

Hi All,

I know we are all waiting on pins and needles to hear who won the ‘sayings’ contest. After requesting and receiving votes as to who’s saying was best, and sone careful consideration, the answer is in. Everyone! Everyone who sent one in is the winner, all are tied for top place. In all honesty, each person got the same amount of votes as each other did so the logical solution is that every one you who submitted a ‘saying’ is the winners. You all win a free one-year subscription to this letter. Pretty cool ah? The bragging rights alone have to be worth something. And yes, thank you for participating.

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And now for something totally dumb…. We subscribe to and receive the Vancouver Sun newspaper and receive it on a daily basis, delivered to our door. Like so many newspapers these day, there are more adds in it than informational material. A couple of weeks ago they ran an article that basically stated that due to the effect of the flooding on the supply chain, they would have to cut back on news articles and columns in order to preserve their supply on newsprint paper. That sounded responsible and made good sense and as expected, the newspaper became much smaller, often just being 2 skinny sections of a few pages each. But here’s the kick, while they cut way back on news articles and opinion articles etc to save paper, they didn’t cut back on adds. In fact, if anything, they have expanded the amount of advertising. Last Saturday’s paper contained 10 full page adds in the font section and 8 in the second (last) section. I gave up counting the half and quarter page adds. I also gave up trying to find any news or other actual articles in the paper. Apparently cutting back on paper use does not mean cutting back on advertising and in fact lets them publish even more adds as those inconvenient news stories no longer get in the way. Kinda makes one give one’s head a shake.

And now, to those of you who requested a CD, they went out in the mail earlier this week. Somewhat puzzling however, is the fact that after I sent them out I noticed 1 too many CDs left over and that can only mean that I either missed sending one to someone on the request list, or I somehow didn’t insert a CD into an envelope as I was putting them all together. So, if after a reasonable amount of time you don’t get yours, or if you do get the card it was supposed to be in but wasn’t, please let me know and I’ll try again. I blame it on old age.

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As stated a while back, I don’t have any more audio songs available to share, but also as stated, I do have a couple of videos left in the cue. So, here is one of them. Its a song I wrote 8 or 10 years ago when I decided to try to write a cowboy song. At the time I realized that while I certainly like some cowboy songs because they are often very genuine and tell ‘real’ stories, I don’t actually know a thing about cowboys or being a cowboy. So, to that end I had come up with a song that was as honest as I could make it, a song that was basically about having never been a cowboy and in which I wondered about what it would be like and what one would be doing. That song went out on an early CD years ago and can still be found on my web site, so I figured I’d do a video of it just for the heck of it. So, here’s my attempt at sort of a cowboy song. Enjoy.

Never Been A Cowboy

doug

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From Russ

O Tannenbaum

It weighed 100 pounds, came in three sections, and was 'Alberta-bound'. He built a shipping crate for it of 2x2's, and 1/2" plywood - being 7' long, it weighed over 300pounds. He loaded it onto his pick-up using his engine-block hoist. It was to be shipped by/from Erb Transport Depot in New Hamburg. He and Tim (General Manager) pulled it off the pick-up where it was picked up by a warehouse forklift and loaded onto a Trans-Canada Moving Van. We have no idea how Mac is going to get it into his living room on Deer Side Drive, S.E., Calgary.

"That's his problem" said Greg, "I'm just worried that he may not reimburse me for the cost of the lumber". ($200+)

By now, you've likely guessed what it is. Yes? No? (The subject is the clue)

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"They are active year-round in Southern Ontario" (according to The Weather Network)

"Do you ever look out your front window?" she asked, "Of course I do" I replied - taking a cautious peek. "They've been eating your Holley berries". At first, all I saw were 4 big ears - then four large, dark eyes - then two shiny, dark noses - White-Tail Deer! It's not uncommon to see deer around here - especially in winter when food is scarce. Joc reported seeing an adult doe, with two nearly full-grown fawn's. I saw only one of the fawn's. Mother and daughter hung around my cottage for about an hour, then lay down on a rise about ten feet from the driveway turn-about. Their heads were in full view, and I watched until first the fawn dropped off to sleep, and finally the mother. I was expecting a VON that morning to dress my heal ulcer, and when she arrived in a hurry (she drives like a cop!), she flung-open her car door, jumped out, and was face-to-face with momma deer! They stared at each other for a full minute, while the nurse had the presence-of- mind to take a picture. Closing the car door slowly, and quietly, she walked up the "Gimpy-ramp", and into my kitchen.

"Oh!" she said, breathlessly "I've never been so close to a wild animal in my whole life - it kind of scared me!" (She couldn't have been that scared - she took a picture).

Both deer hung around her car, and sniffed it while she was treating my wound, then when she left, they watched her get into her car, and only when she "took-off" driving like a cop, did they run into the thicket next door.

They are active year-round, and their "hosts" are hanging around my cottage - ticks, hat is. I love to see deer up close, but I dread the fact they could be depositing ticks onto the shrubbery near my cottage.

PS "O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, how lovely are your branches" Did they teach you that German Christmas song when you went to school? It is based on a traditional folk song which was unrelated to Christmas, it became associated with the traditional Christmas tree by the middle of the 19th century when people brought them into their homes around the Yuletide. They decorated the Tannenbaum tree with home-made cookies, and stung pop-corn, as garland - some even lit candles attached to the green branches. How pretty! How dangerous!

PPS Do you have your tree decorated as yet? Mine is up, and lighted. It is only 14 inches high, and mounted in a gold- coloured wooden frame. It is the "handy-work of my daughter-in-law from Calgary.

Uncle Russ.

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From Wayne

I know it’s too late for the ‘sayings’ contest but I just invented one yesterday.

I was having a haircut. While the barber was fighting with my mask strap I offered to hold the end of my mask so that she could work around my ears – first my right hand and right ear and then my left hand and left ear. All the while I was wondering what a one armed person would do, - and worse, a no armed person!

Then it struck me and I said aloud, “If humans didn’t have ears, we couldn’t have a pandemic!” So that’s my ‘saying’

She just laughed and said, “They would think of something!”

Wayne

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THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone

It looks like we’re finally going to get some snow that will stay on the ground this week! So far it’s been coming and melting within a day or so! I guess it’s inevitable that we’ll finally get some snow since it’s almost the first day of winter (December 21st is the official first day of winter) according to the calendar! I’m surprised we haven’t had much snow so far! Usually by now we’re inundated with the white stuff, especially since the forecasters have predicted a very snowy winter this year! I’m sure it’ll come soon. We are ready for whatever amount comes with my good snow tires already on the Jeep and the 4 wheel drive is working well so we won’t get stuck at least when it does finally get here! Another bonus this year is that I have all my Christmas shopping done so I won’t have to be out and about other than grocery shopping and doctor’s appointments when necessary!

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Just thinking about Doug’s quaint saying’s contest and a few more have come to mind. So, I thought I’d enter a couple more in his contest. They came to mind when I was out to Costco and a couple of other places doing some grocery pickups for Carole and I had a sudden urge to find a washroom to relieve myself of a volume of liquid! (LOL!)

The first saying that came to mind was: “I have to pee so bad my eye teeth are singing “Anchors Away”!

The second is one that I heard for the first time when I was out hunting with my cousin when we were teenagers, he said as we crossed a farmer’s field in search of Ground Hogs: “I have to pee like a racehorse!” of course hearing that for the first time I laughed till I almost wet myself too!

It’s funny how those old sayings tend to stay with a person for a lifetime. This is true for most people and when it comes to the important things such as birthdates and other special occasions and appointments, they tend to slip our minds! I used to think this sort of thing was something that only happened to the elderly, but now that I’m one of the elderly, I realize it’s something that’s been happening to me most of my life. We used to blame these happenings on something we called “a brain fart”! LOL! If this is applicably true it’s a wonder my head hasn’t exploded from all that excess gas! So many of these brain farts having built up over 72 years may just be the cause of dementia! I wonder if the medical professionals ever thought of this as a cause? Likely not! This is most likely just my elderly brain wandering through 72 years of imagination. Speaking of thinking back over my 72 years, I had thoughts of maybe buying a new puppy for a family pet. However, I finally came to my senses when I realized how much work it would be to have to train and look after a new puppy as an addition to the family. We lost our little poodle about 5 or 6 years ago and it was heartbreaking at the time. I also realized how much of an expense it was to have the regular vet bills to keep the family dog in good health! We loved our four legged family member for all the years we had him with us but vowed not to bother ever having another dog after all both good times and bad we had experienced with the last poodle we had to part with.

Thinking of all these things, made me decide against getting another dog especially as a surprise Christmas gift for the family! Maybe if we were still a young family it would be worth getting another poodle but not at this stage of our lives! I’d probably be wiser to pick up a “Pet Rock” or some such inanimate abject that doesn’t require feeding or regular visits to the vet to keep it healthy! I was thinking of what to name a pet rock if we got one to stand by the door to keep it from swinging shut! (better known as a door stop). However the name that I thought would be appropriate first of all was “Iggy” short for “Igneous”, or maybe “Meta” for “Metamorphic” or even “Seddy” short for “Sedimentary”! Then of course the obvious one would be just plain “Rocky”, after all there would be no need for a lovable pet name when if you called out “ Here Pooky” he wouldn’t or couldn’t come anyway! I guess after all, there is good reason for sticking to traditional Christmas gifts that can be wrapped and placed under the tree until Christmas morning! With that in mind how in the world would you wrap a dog to be placed under the tree as a surprise anyway?

I guess that’s enough silliness for this week!

Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next time in The Ontarion Report!

Bye for now…

Something to think about.

Have you booked your “Covid-19” Booster shot yet?

It’s now more important than ever since there is a new variant cropping up every so often these days! As well as the booster, please remember to follow the health guidelines to help prevent the spread of this dastardly virus we’re combating! It’s most likely going to plague us and the rest of the world for another couple of years so every little thing we do to combat it will help eradicate it!

Take care and stay safe!... Greg

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Take Care And Be Safe
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