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Issue #987
Including:

From Russ

From Beth

From The Shores Of Lake Huron

From Lauren/Kyra/Olivia

The Ontarion

Hi All,

A big thanks to all of you for responding to last week’s letter. It means a lot to all who contribute to this letter because it lets us know that you guys are still ‘out there’. Ewan pointed out something that I’ve been tracking, but few others will have noticed, mainly, that we are closing in on our 1,000^th issue. As you can see from the issue number up above under the heading at the top of this page, this one is #987 and therefore, after some intricate and deep mathematics and heavy computer number crunching, the big 1,000 is a mere 12 more issues away, as this current one is 13 away. At the speed that weeks pass by, we’ll be there in no time at all, a mere blink of an eye. Hard to believe and very cool, don’t you think?

*

Much to our surprise, we discovered that our ‘land line’ house phone was no longer working. Turned out it hadn’t been working for a couple of days. No one could call in, they were getting a message that their call could not be made. We couldn’t call out on the land line, we would get either a busy signal or just static. Part of the reason we didn’t know right a way was because we make most of our calls on our cell phones because they are on a typical plan that includes long distance. Once we realized our house phone was out of order we were faced with the daunting task of contacting the phone provider. That can take a Herculean effort and involve ‘canned voice’ menus and endless ‘hold’ times if you are lucky enough to get far enough to be put on hold. We never did get through to a real live person. Eventually we found we could go onto the carrier’s web site’s tech support page and connect to some one or some thing via ‘chat’ where you type your question, hit send, and then hope some one or some thing at the other end responds. Some one or some thing did eventually respond by typing back to us. Then came all the questions and instructions from their end, in the form of back and forth typing in their chat window. I basically had to be the on site tech, checking all sorts of things and typing in the findings. As well as many other things, I had to pull the backup battery in the phone modem to force it to re-boot (our phone signal comes through our TV and Internet cable). No effect. Then I had to try various things like hooking up a different phone, which we still had, to see if that worked. Nope, and I had already tried that. Eventually I was instructed to try connecting the phone directly into the modem. I hadn’t thought of doing that, I didn’t know that I could, I didn’t know I was aloud to. I did it and low and behold, the phone worked.

That meant the problem was with our internal house wiring (phone wiring not electrical wiring). It would seem one of the wall jacks has a short. Its up to me to figure out which wall jack??? and to fix it if I want it fixed. Thats really not a problem as long as I can get phone wall jacks at the local hardware or build-all store. I guess I’ll deal with it at some point. With our land line plugged directly into the modem its working fine, and most houses these days don’t even bother with land line type phones. So, I’ll just keep an eye open for some wall jacks and get around to replacing them at some point. In the mean time, the phone works fine so there is no hurry at all.

*

This week’s high-brow musical entertainment is brought to you by Townes Van Zandt. He’s the writer who wrote this week’s song, called Poncho & Lefty. He wrote a lot of songs and many became hits when done by other performers. Van Zandt himself wasn’t all that interested in being famous, his passion was his music and poetry. Whether you remember it or not, I covered another of his songs a while back, in the Dec 5/20 issue (issue #967), called ‘Snowin’ On Ratone’. So, here’s my bare-bones video version of his old country classic, Poncho & Lefty. Its been covered by more names than I can remember so I won’t even try to name them. OH, a little heads-up…. Next week’s music might include both a bare bones video version AND an audio, multi-part version of the same song. Stay tuned for that.

Poncho & Lefty

doug

****

From Russ

Facts, Figures, and failures (continued)

Last week I gave you the “Facts” about my brief stay at R Villa, a retirement operation in Ripley, Ontario, this week I’m going to continue with my “Report”. Why? Because of the kind reception I received when you welcomed me back ‘online’.

Figures:

These are not the kind of figures you may be thinking about – these are figures represented by the elderly ladies living in retirement at R Villa.

I’m not a ‘cartoonist’, my brother Howard was a great one at characterizing people on paper. I’ll try to do it by words. Please don’t take offense at the following – it’s not you!

Because there were more women than men, and women are more interesting to view than men, the writer spent long periods of time looking at them and decided they would fit into 4 categories as follows:

The pear. Because there was very little physical activity available (blame COVID 19), the girls spent most of their days either sitting, watching TV, or sleeping. Gravity plays a dirty joke on us humans, and everything begins to sag – thus the pear shape.

The apple. Same cause as above, but some women maintain their busts while filling-out their bloomers as well – thus the apple shape.

The banana. These girls lose their busts and bottoms, and appear extra tall, lean, and bent slightly forward, as though constantly walking down-hill. Then there were a few who packed cherry tomatoes up front, and beefsteak tomatoes in the rear. We can’t explain this “freak of nature”.

We can’t leave this topic without mentioning the “streamlined” shapes of the young female staff. Why? You may ask, would a 92 year-old man even look at teenage girls? You are all familiar with the saying: “A woman is as old as she looks, but a man is never old ‘till he STOPS looking”.

It is NOT one of the Ten Commandments, but should be:

“Thou shalt not ogle”

I noticed the other 5 men in the dining room ogling at the streamlined young girls waiting tables in their “High waisted leggings” or were they wearing only ‘panty-hose’?

I must say, they added a touch of ‘inspiration’ for those harmless old men!

Then, there was Edythe – she was seated alone in front of a large window overlooking the parking lot. She and I had a good visit. She told me about herself, a local farm-girl, whose husband had passed away a short time ago, and she took up residency in R Villa, and was quite content. She had told me her name was Edythe, and spelled it for me, and let me know it was an unusual spelling of Edythe. So, I left her saying I would call her Edythe with an “E” on both ends. She laughed at this. Next morning she was again seated in her favourite spot, and I said, “Good morning Edythe with-an-e-on both ends”. She looked up at me giving me such an angry expression it scared me! I slowly backed away.

Edythe was about 65, appeared in good health, but she never came to the dining room where everyone else had their meals. I continued trying to get her to respond to my “ Good mornings”, but she never again recognized me. I had to pass her on my way to-and-from the dining room 3 times each day, and the only difference I noticed about Edythe with-an- ‘e’ at both ends was that she slumped lower, and lower into the leather chair, until one day only her gown was visible!

Later, during our breakfast the paramedics came through the dining room with a ‘gurney’, and later returned with a little female figure on board. Was it Edythe? They never told us – and you never ask. Sad.

And, finally we write about the Failures observed in the facility: At the outset, let’s be clear about WHO is failing, certainly not the management or staff! They couldn’t be more accommodating. The food is excellent. All services and requests are quickly met. If I were an old man who could not look after himself at home, I’d apply for a room at once. Fran, the lady in charge of operations is “ON IT”. She sees to it that each resident is given personal attention, she can call everyone by name, and seems to be on hand at all hours – day and night. I love Fran, and Fran loves me. If I were 60 years younger, and she wasn’t married I’d sure give her a run for her money!

NO. The “failure” lies in the fact that about nine or ten of the residents should not be in a “retirement” setting. Most are suffering from alzheimer’s, and require special care and assistance. The staff does a tremendous job of keeping them reasonably comfortable, and safe, it’s not fair they have to take on this extra burden. Why are they at R Villa? Good question. We were told,

“There is just no place else they can be cared for”.

Is this because of the “pandemic”? Possibly.

We know how many residents of “Long-term-care” facilities died of COVID-19 earlier in this world plague- and care-givers are taking their relatives and loved ones OUT of these places – but WHERE to house them? Most working people have no time (or love) for their parents. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I thank God that, as one of those useless old people, my family DOES care for me, and prove it by always, willingly attending to my needs. Without my son, Greg and my daughter-in-law, Bettie we would NOT be sitting at this computer typing next Saturday’s Squamidian.

PS Some earlier societies found answers to what to do with their elderly who could no longer ‘cut the mustard’; Eskimos allowed their parents to simply walk out on the ice, sit and wait for a polar bear to come along and gobble them up!

The Chinese encouraged their elderly to smoke opium. They discontinued eating, were out-of-sight in an opium den- and simply died a peaceful, painless death.

Got any better ideas?

Uncle Russ.

****

From Beth

Hi everyone,

We've been official owners of the 'Homestead' for 4 months now. I thought some of you might be interested in hearing what we have been up to around here. We've been busy!

We had the main floor painted the week before we moved in. It brightened up the place quite a bit. Jamie put in a new gas water heater in March. Last week we had a new furnace and air conditioner installed. The old kitchen has been torn up, and we're currently living in chaos. Jamie put a laundry tub into the laundry room, so we ( that means me) can do dishes there, and we have a side tap with filtered drinking water. The new floor was put in, and we're waiting on the electrician before we can start installing cupboards.

The old workshop is being converted into a bedroom for one of the boys. We closed up the closets to make for a bigger room. It's been drywalled and painted. There's a really neat old beam we left exposed. The electrician will be here on the weekend to finish his work in there, then it's a suspended ceiling and new flooring. Thanks to Al for painting!

We have a new (to us) gas bbq. Jamie is a gas fitter, so hooked that up last weekend. It's been lovely to bqq again!

We've filled two large dumpsters with all kinds of junk, and I suspect we'll fill another. The old piano was broken up. What a job! They certainly make those things to last. Some of the innards and wood went to a crafty friend of ours. The cast iron went to the scrap yard. We had to take out the wood stove from the basement if we wanted to be insured, so it is currently under a tarp on the porch.

We planted 2 peach trees, and 2 honey crisp trees. I don't expect to see any fruit for a while yet, but it's lovely to anticipate! The rhubarb is up a fair bit, and we've had a few stalks of asparagus. I cleaned the grape vines out of the raspberry patch, and have been battling garlic mustard everywhere. I filled 4 yard waste bags of the stuff, and there is still a lot out there! I'm not sure how much we'll plant in the garden this year, but hope to get a few things in.

With working in the yard so much, I've managed to meet a number of neighbours as they walk by. Many people remember Lorne and Vivyan fondly. It's lovely to hear their stories - how they bought tomatoes or rhubarb. Some people are pretty direct - asking for rhubarb or other plants, asking what are plans are for the place - are we tearing down? selling? do we have any tools for sale..that sort of thing. Someone this week asked for the model sailboat we have in the porch. We've met a new family up the hill behind the drive way. They have a 4 year old boy. Viv is excited about the prospect of babysitting for them.

A weird thing about living at 234 Old Chicopee, is that we are actually on Daimler Drive. It confuses delivery people, service calls etc. Our neighbour at 230 Old Chicopee has a mailbox with the '0' missing, so a number of our deliveries have gone there. We're in the habit now of making sure we explain things, and have a sign hung from the mailbox with our address. The old mailbox is still there, but early after moving Jamie fixed it so it didn't tilt anymore.

We've enjoyed the wild life here. We see deer frequently, chickadees, cardinals, junkos, downy and pileated woodpeckers, nuthatches, geese, heron, red-tailed hawk, house finch, mourning doves, grackles and robins. Once we saw an owl being chased at by crows. Another time we saw two parrots perched on their owner's shoulders, out for a walk.

It feels 'right' being here. I feel at home. I'm so glad we were able to live here. I look forward to having the extended family visit again.

Beth

****

FROM THE SHORES OF LAKE HURON RE: PORT ELGIN

Greetings everyone, I assume most of you don’t know me I have decided maybe it is time to get back in to contributing to these fantastic writings. It was probably back in the mid to late ninety's that I first met Doug, I believe if my old memory serves me correctly. He was doing an excavation job for an electrician at a business in the twin cites and the electrician had me to form a concrete vault. It was from that point on he and I completed a fair number of projects together.

We both discovered then that we both played music and sang so we got together a few times and jammed a bit. Very good memories for sure. Doug knew lots of different type of music and me I was the real old country. I have since moved on to a little bit newer but still love my old country songs.

I remember well when Doug told me he was moving to British Columbia a life long dream of his I was happy for him but sad for me as I new we were miles apart but still great friends. He would come back to Kitchener periodically and we would meet up and have brunch or lunch at a restaurant where Fairway Road becomes Courtland Avenue called Country Boy Restaurant. we would have a great meal and chin wag about old and new times.

I love the talent that you have Doug to be able to do the music you do and put all the instruments on the track, it blows my mind. Never been good at electronics. I still hate when a cell phone dies and I have to replace it as a matter of fact it has been only about 4 years since I ditched a flip phone for an android, my family said I was in the age of dinosaurs. i now am extremely comfortable with the newer style but only to a point. Anyways I will let this first entry end up at this point and everyone stay safe and enjoy everyone contributions.

Take care, Brian Lang

****

From Lauren/Kyra/Olivia

Lauren's contribution to the Squamidian:

I don't have too much to write about this week, but for a change, I actually remembered it was Friday before the deadline for Doug to publish the Squamidian, so I thought I would write a quick note & Kyra & Olivia also decided to write something.

I am back on self-isolation for being exposed to a Covid positive case through work, but this time, it was at our Staff college where we do annual block training for the skills we need to perform our job.

The funny part is, the college was shut down since Covid started, & they only recently started up with training again. So, like a dutiful employee, I showed up for training on April 19th, then went to work the next night, & the following night, where I had only been for approximately 4 hours, when I got a call from my Manager telling me I had to go home immediately & self-quarantine because of being deemed a close contact with a trainer at the college! Yes, it took them almost 3 days to contract trace everyone, so if I have Covid, imagine how many people I potentially infected as well.

Work also suggested (nagged!) that I get a Covid test, so again, like a dutiful employee, I went online when I got home from work that night & tried booking a test, but lo & behold, BC doesn't offer Covid tests to asymptomatic people! I called various different numbers the next morning, only to be told the same thing. I informed my employer that due to my being asymptomatic, I wasn't able to book a test, but they told me that if I told the booking staff that I was a Correctional officer, who worked in a federal penitentiary & was exposed to a Covid positive staff member, I would be able to book a test without any issues... HAHAHAHA, I then informed them that I had already tried this with multiple phone calls, but apparently management thought I was too stupid to have thought of doing that myself!

I figured that the only way I would be able to book a test was if I lied on the booking form & said I was "symptomatic," & the nurse who I had the last conversation with, confirmed this.

So I went ahead, lied & booked a test for today. This time around, being that it was my second Covid test, I was smart enough to know the drill & did not eat or drink anything several hours before the test, therefore I was able to choose the gargle option instead of the one where it feels like you are having a Q-tip shoved into your brain. I then came home & informed management that I had lied in order to get the test, so hopefully that means I will be in line for a promotion soon, because obviously, I am a dutiful employee lol. Right...

Anyway, besides the news that I am trapped at home, I only wish that we had the weather from two weeks ago, because it was amazing & like summer, but the forecast for the next two weeks is of course, the complete opposite!

Olivia's contribution to the Squamidian:

Grandpa is a great singer. And Grandma is a great baker, and one more thing, I am going to say one more thing. Mom, are you copying what I am saying? Stop doing that mom! And also, thank-you for reading this everyone, I hope you have a great night. That's all!

Kyra's contribution to the Squamidian (Kyra typed this all by herself):

Hello everyone, today my dad forgot pj day at school. You know hahaha, so anyway ya that was crazy. So if my gm & gp [grandma and grandpa] are reading this, I'm doing this for them. Bye.

****

Gregs’s Ontarion is not available this week as he is dealing with some health issues.

Hopefully he will be feeling better and back at his keyboard soon.

Take care Greg.

****

Take Care And Be Safe
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.