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The
Squamidian Report – Oct. 17 / 20
Issue
#960 From Russ The Ontarion
Hi All, Given the fact that I’ve been overly prolific the last few weeks, from a writing point of view, I don’t feel overly obligated to write a huge amount for this week. So, I just might keep this one fairly short. Thanksgiving weekend was pretty well a washout with Pacific storm fronts pumping in one after the other. Along with the storm fronts came cold temperatures, cold enough for the rain in the valleys to be snow on the mountains. Each time the heavy overcast would lift enough for us to see the mountains, we could see the snowline creeping ever further down the mountain sides. Whenever the sun would make a short appearance the upper slopes and tops could be seen sporting their bright white coating of fresh snow. Basically, its been a cold wet fall, cold and wet to the point where I have given up on riding the old motorcycle and have put it away, covered up along the back wall of the garage. This has been the poorest riding season I’ve ever had, with a paltry 4,000k of riding. Thats less than half of my previous worse riding season, ever, and less than a quarter of my average riding season. I’m embarrassed. There are two reasons for this dismal showing. First, the weather out here has sucked, big time, right through the spring, summer, and fall. From rain to cold to way too hot to way too smoky to be out playing in the traffic, it’s been a ‘hide in the house year’. Second, that big bike is getting too heavy for my old body to man-handle. As I’ve gotten older, with all the disadvantages of age, the bike is becoming more than I can safely deal with. I’ll spend part of this winter researching whats out there as a viable replacement. Something smaller, liter, and easier to handle. There are no longer any long road trips in our future (even if there was anywhere to go) so there is no longer any need for a big, thousand pound beast of a bike. Something smaller and more agile that can zip around town or back and forth to the city or up to Whistler is all I really need going forward. We’ll just have to see what comes up. * This week’s musical interlude is brought to you by October, the month of transition from summer to winter. A Canadian singer / song writer back in the 70’s and 80, Gary Fjellgaard, wrote a song called ‘The Winds Of October’, about a rusty old ship plying the west coast. I like the song, I like the lyrics. But that’s just me. So, I’ve done a cover of it as one of my little videos. No harmony, no extra instrumentation and so on, but hopefully somewhat entertaining. Fjellgaard wrote and sang quite successfully back then and was big on the Canadian country radio stations at the time. You may remember some of his creations, one song being ‘Ten Years Old and Barefoot’, which I don’t do because I don’t know it well enough, and another one of his songs called ‘Heroes’ which I do do and will probably have available for this spot early next month. Enjoy, or endure, or whatever. doug **** From Russ Nightmare (continued) Years ago, the present Chief of Police was instrumental in shutting-down a huge, profitable, marijuana-grow in this town. The operation had been run by “Hell’s Angels”, a ‘Criminal outlawed Biker Club’, and now, they’re seeking ‘revenge’! “We must drive them out of town for GOOD this time” orders the Chief.
The Plan: Two cops armed with 12 Ga. shotguns on the ground floor of the Station to guard the coffee machine and both outer doors. The rest of the ‘Force’ on the roof; each man armed with a shotgun. “Now for the ‘SHOCKER’ snarls the Chief. “There is to be NO BLOODSHED! You will ‘shoot-to-scare’ only”. He goes on, “We have plenty of ‘small game-hunting’ shot we borrowed from the locals when we ‘borrowed’ their shotguns”. Now his tone-of-voice changes to pleading, “You’re all excellent hunters, and well experienced in shooting rabbits and birds – use this skill to scare and not to kill”, he continues, “We’ll have 20 shotguns on the roof – when we begin our ‘barrage’, the air will be filled with lead, the noise both deafening and terrifying” (We hope). For now, the cops are playing the ‘waiting game’, checking their guns and ammo. - making sure they match, “What’ that noise?” someone cries. “Shut-up!” orders the sergeant. “Listen”. “That’s our military backup!” someone exclaims. “NO. Be quiet - - not heavy enough to be Army trucks” an ex-Military says. As the noise becomes louder, a cop whispers, “Them’s hogs (Harley’s), not all of ‘em – some lighter machines too –like cows (Kawasakies) and mods (modified bikes)”.
Being early morning of the third day of restless, sleepless, anxious- waiting, all eyes are peeled on the intersection of highways in the centre of town. “HERE COMES THE OPP!” someone shouts. “What the Hell” no one called for them” snarls the sergeant. About a dozen bikes approach – some Harleys, some not, but all bearing OPP markings and ridden by uniformed cops. They begin to surround the Police station- -- “HOORAY” they shout “the OPP is here to protect us!”. The OPP encircle the cop-shop and dismount. The bike and riders are now in clear view and we’re able to make out the lettering on their uniforms. OPP, no doubt about it. A police whistle is heard – the ‘police’ begin moving slowly, and carefully toward us. “Hey! We’re up here!” someone calls out – at once the shooting starts! “They’re shooting at us! What the Hell!! “STOP! STOP! We all holler, “We’re on your side – we’re cops too!”
The Chief, who’d been on the john all this time comes running up the stairs onto the roof screaming, “THEY’RE BIKERS! SHOOT! Dammit SHOOT!” Instantly, a ROAR like a bank of cannons drowns-out the ‘puny’ sound of the .38 Cal. Police revolvers (they stole from us), while hot lead reigns down on the ‘enemy’. The earth erupts – the Bikers dance - -but no direct hits – no blood shed - - no enemy left within shot-range. All’s quiet except for the heavy rumbling in the near, distance.
“LOOK-OUT!! they’re throwing fire-bombs!” Windows smash – some of the bombs bounce back, setting the dry grass on fire. Some don’t- - they smash onto the wooden floor and stuff – immediately bursting into a fireball – now, it’s a blazing inferno! “FIRE! FIRE! HELP! HELP!” Instant panic. Those left to guard the coffeemaker make a hasty dash for the stairs – flames licking at their respective asses – they make it to the roof - -puffing and looking terrified, they cry – “WE’RE DOOMED! Only a matter of minutes before this tar-and-gravel roof will burst into flame!” They are only too right – now the main floor is on fire, the flames breaking windows and leaping out for oxygen – some reaching the roof! “LOOK! LOOK! Flashing lights approaching . .It’s the Army!!”. Now they hear sirens. “It’s our Fire Department – if only they get here in time!”
Will they get there in time? Will they be terribly burned? We won’t know until next Saturday.
Retired Sergeant RGB ****
THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone: I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving weekend! We enjoyed a lovely turkey with all the trimmings here at our house. Of course there were loads of leftovers for those lovely turkey sandwiches the next day as well. In fact, as per usual, there was enough turkey meat left to make up a couple of good meals over the next day or two. That’s what’s great about doing a turkey even if it’s not a huge one, there’s always loads of meat left for following up with a couple of more meals after Thanksgiving is over. * With the weather turning a little colder these days it’s a good thing we had managed to put all the summer yard items away over the past couple of weeks. It seems we could use a bigger and bigger shed to store all that stuff each year. I guess each item we accumulate over the years tends to take up room in the shed and makes it seem more crowded each year. Oh well, we always manage to fit it all in anyway. Speaking of our back yard, the birds are still coming around each day to enjoy the seeds in our bird feeder! The Blue Jays are still showing up each day to get their share! They must be a family of Jays since there are up to ten of them that show up each day for a feeding and we’ve seen a few times where what must be the parents actually feeding the others while sitting on the feeder. I don’t know how many babies a couple of Jays would hatch but it must be at least three of four eggs at a time in the nest. It’s the only explanation I can think of for there being a group or “Flock” of Jays that travel and eat together! Interesting for sure! Oh well, they aren’t the only visitors we have frequenting our back yard. For the past week or more we’ve noticed that there is something that keeps burrowing under our Fence gate. Each time, we find the dirt and small stones of our pathway dug out at the one corner of the gate, we fill it back in and sure enough it’s dug out again the next day. We’ve noticed another neighbourhood cat sitting out back under the feeder as if waiting for a chance to pounce on a bird for a quick lunch. Adam chased it away but it’s come back a couple of times. It’s owned by someone since it has a light blue collar on it’s neck. We thought that it might be the cat digging under our gate but then a few nights ago Adam looked out through the kitchen window to see a large skunk poking around under the bird feeder. He just meandered around the back yard for about a half hour seeing what he could forage out of the gardens as well as the seeds the birds drop from the feeder. He seems to like what he’s found since he’s been back several times after dark. He really does no harm and as long as we don’t disturb him, he’s not likely to release his offensive spray! I guess he’s living in the bushy area of the Hydro right of way out back! He must live close by since he’s becoming a regular visitor to our back yard. Makes me wonder if he and the cat have ever come face to face out back? We’ve named the skunk “Peppy” as in Peppy le Pew from the old cartoons! The name suits him for sure! Oh well, as long as none of us makes the mistake of stepping out into the back yard while Peppy is roaming around out there, he’ll do no harm! Adam managed to take a couple of pictures of him so I’ll see if I can put them on this report for your viewing pleasure! That’s
about
it for this week folks! Bye for now … Greg PS:
Something
to Think About>
**** Take
Care
And Be Safe |
