The Squamidian Report – Sept. 15 / 18
Issue #851
Including:
From Lorne
From Russ
The Ontarion
Hi All,
For the last four and a half years I've been pushing for a 'star
gazing' night up at the gondola. It would work well up there because
the lights of Squamish and Vancouver are blocked by mountains. Light
pollution is the enemy of star gazing. I got no where at all with
gondola management with the exception of one food services shift
manager but even with both of us pushing for it, we still got no where
at all. Upper management was simply uninterested in the idea. Then, a
month or so ago a retired NASA engineer that owns a condo here in town
suggested the idea. Low and behold upper management fell all over
themselves to set up such an event. I was introduced to the engineer,
Jim, and we chatted about how it could be done and what we could do and
not do. One of the issues would be the out door lighting on the decks
and the suspension bridge. Management was uncomfortable with the
liability aspect of letting it be dark, but if it couldn't be dark,
there was no point in doing a star gazing night. So, I gave them the
solution, I'd supply red lensed flash lights and tape them to the deck
step risers so the steps could be easily seen. That seemed to satisfy
them. Incidentally, it was by reading their web site event notification
of the event that I found out I was actually involved in it, but fine,
anything to make it happen.
We had a couple more meetings and it started to come together but one
aspect became clear. The evening was going to be divided into two
sections, Jim from NASA was going to do an hour talk about NASA and
then we'd move out onto the now dark decks where people could look
through whatever scopes had been brought, as well as binoculars. I was
letting people know that binoculars were the tool of choice from a star
'gazing' point of view so bring those if you have them. The aspect that
started to become clear was that Jim's talk about NASA was not going to
be actually about NASA from Jim's perspective, but about JIM with NASA
as a backdrop. (Jim is American with an American attitude and in
meeting with him, everything seemed to be about him). However, whatever
it took to get this happening was fine because it could lead to more
such opportunities.
Then the heat and drought of summer came crashing to an end and all of
a sudden we had rain and overcast and more rain and more overcast.
Bummer. Jim's talk about Jim would be able to proceed but any chance of
seeing the sky was doomed. On the night of the event, the gondola
stayed open an extra hour but to no avail, we were socked in. Jim gave
his talk about Jim and because there was no need to end so we could all
go out and gaze, he just kept on talking, about Jim. The room had been
packed as full as it could be but people started leaving one it became
tedious. Eventually it ended and a woman from the Vancouver Astronomy
club who is also a professor of astrophysics at one of the universities
talked for a few minutes and answered a few questions. Then I talked a
bit about what we would have done had the weather permitted. I had
brought along a couple of scopes as well as my big astronomy binoculars
for display so anyone interested could see what we would have been
using. The professor would have brought a 'big' scope as well, had
things worked out.
There is a large and identifiable interest in trying again and the
professor is willing to come back if we do so hopefully the gondola
powers that be will let us try again in the near future, with the focus
on actually 'star gazing' this time. We shall see.
doug
****
From Lorne
A few months ago I reported my clock on the wall started running in
reverse then eventually stopped and proceeded forward. Well, it
is running backwards again. The power was off for a short while
and when it came back on, the wayward clock once again began to run
backwards. At some time, without my witnessing the change, it is
running forward and at time of writing is still proceeding to the
future.as most decent clock do. However it is either 4 days late
and some minutes or 5 days + I don't know. As I can't reach
that high to fix the damn thing, it will just hang there and leer
down on me until some 6 foot great grand son comes along and ends my
plight.
Lorne
****
From Russ
Before I answer the question: “Have you shot any bad guys?”, I have
‘need’ to relieve myself of the ‘septic symposium’ Greg and I have been
‘holding’ during this week.
There is some concern that the septic systems of cottagers along this
Lake Huron shoreline are polluting the water causing outbreaks of ecoli.
There is some truth to that, but the more likely culprits may be our
huge flocks of Canada Geese which spend their days feeding inland, and
their nights pooping out on the pristine waters of Huron. But, wait!
What about these mega-farms of livestock which convert the manure to
liquid form, then spray it onto land as fertilizer? The rains wash the
stuff into streams which empty into our lake, and sometimes after a
heavy rainfall the stench along the shore is ‘distasteful’!
The Ministry of Natural Resources has decided to blame the residents
along the shoreline, and has been conducting on-going testing of the
septic systems. These tests occur every 7 or 8 years, and
although it appears there is no charge for this service, I suggest
there is no such thing as a free lunch. My tax bill shows an amount for
this ‘free’ service of $513.00 for 2018.
I received a letter from the Tax office that my septic system was last
inspected in 2011, and that I must make an appointment for the
inspector. I did, and he came last week, pulled off the first
compartment lid, and groaned,
”Ooooh!”
I thought he’d ‘strained his milk’ lifting the concreted lid, but, no.....
“Do use a lot of toilet paper?”, he asked.
As a matter of fact, I do....I have a ‘condition’.
“I had a lady with chrone’s who used a lot of paper, and I advised her to install a ‘bidet’”, he offered.
That ain’t going to happen here.
“Well, you NEED to have this pumped and very soon...There’s a ‘raft’
floating on top made almost totally of toilet paper”, he implied.
Doesn’t toilet paper break-down?
“Not when it arrives by the bushel”, he replied with a smirk.
“Always use the cheapest, ‘no-name’ paper, and NEVER use that 3-ply,
‘velvet’ stuff...it’s the worst...it just doesn’t break down”, he
explained.
He went on to say, I should have my tank pumped every five years.
I’d communicated my plight to Greg, because I couldn’t seem to find
anybody around here who was interested in the job. I even decided
to try and do it myself. I own a shop vac. Well, Greg took me
seriously (I think), and immediately found some people in Goderich who
were in the business, and provided their ‘credentials’ via email.
Meanwhile, one of the people I’d called and left a message, got back to
me , and I (thankfully) gave him the job, at once. He’s pumping
me in two weeks.
*
Now, to answer the question, “How many bad guys have you shot?”
The answer is, none! No, I never shot anybody during my police career, or after, but I COULD have.
Next week I’ll tell how close I came to shooting a young man in the head!
Scared, just thinking about it,
Your old Uncle Russ,
Constable # 20, KPD
****
THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone!
It seems there is always some darned fool on the road that makes it
difficult for the sensible drivers around him or her. Lord knows I’ve
had my share of incidents caused by others who have little or no regard
for the others using the roads. I had to take the MG down to Blair to
the body shop to have new rubber seals installed at the base of the
windows. So I set off at 2:30pm to arrive at my destination by 3:00pm
for the set time of the appointment. I was cruising nicely along on
Homer Watson Blvd and approaching the 401 overpass when the lumber pile
in a truck in front of me toppled as we approached the traffic light.
It stayed within the truck bed, all except for one chunk of 2 x 4 about
8 inches in length. It bounced off the floor of the truck bed and cart
wheeled in the air directly at me in the MG. I quickly raised my left
arm above my head as the piece of wood was coming right at me and I had
the top down on the MG. I figured it would either hit me in the head or
on my raised arm. However, it ricocheted off the frame of the
windshield directly in front of me and glanced off into the air behind
me. WHEW! That was a stroke of luck indeed! As I had to jam on my
brakes to try to avoid the flying wood, I also had to stop due to the
red light in front of me. The truck however made it through the amber
light before me, I’m sure the driver intended to do so just so he
wouldn’t have to face the music over losing part of his load. He had to
have felt the weight shift of the lumber load in his truck bed but
chose to ignore it for fear of being fined if he stopped, for having an
unsafe load! I on the other hand had to wait for the light to turn
green as I watched him fade into the distance and take the ramp to his
right to head for Toronto and disappear into the traffic of the 401.
By the time I got moving, he was long gone and so was any chance to
catch up with him. As I pulled away thanking my lucky stars for not
getting beaned by the chunk of wood, I noticed that there was a 5”
crack in my windshield where the 2 x 4 had whacked the frame
surrounding the glass. Damn!!!!!!! I just get the darned vehicle in
great shape and some careless bastard causes damage to another part of
my classic MGB! What the Hell next? Oh well, I do have insurance for
such damage but I’m not sure how much my deductible is at this point.
I’ll have to do some investigating to find out if it’s worth putting
through the insurance of just paying for a new windshield myself. I’ll
be making some calls in a day or two to determine that decision. I’m
hoping the insurance will cover replacement of the glass. Most auto
glass companies will eat the deductible for windshield replacement but
I’m not sure who among them will have access to a windshield for a
39-year-old classic vehicle such as the MGB. I guess that’s another
fact I’ll have to check on! Oh well, the saga of the LBC (Little
British Car) goes on!
I am entering the MG in a classic British car show on Sunday Sept 16th
just to see how much the voters at the show will appreciate all the
work and money we’ve put into restoring the MG. It should be
interesting at the very least to see how that goes. The show is put on
every year at the Bronte Creek Park in Oakville. The Toronto Triumph
Club puts it on every September. I think this is the 45th year for the
show and they usually attract about 1100 classic British vehicles of
all makes and models as well as about 9,000 visitors who love to look
at the British gathering of restored vehicles. Adam and I are going to
spend the day there as we have several years before and it should be a
fun day as long as it doesn’t rain! I’ve been interested in British
cars since my high school days and will no doubt spot a few of the
makes and models that I’ve owned over the years. Way back in the 60’s I
developed an interest in British cars and the like has stuck with me. I
started my British fetish with my very first car when I turned 16. For
$100.00 I purchased my first car, which was a 1951 Morris Minor 1000. I
had that little car for over a year and only gave it up after rounding
a corner one evening only to have the left front wheel, suspension and
all crumble on the road beneath me! It wasn’t worth fixing at the time
so I had to go shopping for another vehicle. With a limited budget I
was able to purchase a 1962 Mini Minor 850. It was my second British
car and was not in very good shape but it ran. I drove that one for
another year but it seamed that every time I needed to go somewhere in
it, it failed in one-way or another. I learned to keep it running by
fixing it myself and it was actually a lot of fun. After it let me down
for the 100th time and made me late for work for the tenth time, I went
shopping for my third vehicle. This time I bought a 1959 Volvo model
544. This was another mistake if I wanted reliability! It was another
fun vehicle but was also prone to breakdowns.
By this time, it was 1967 and I was a little bit better off financially
due to a good summer job at Jiffi Pak Ice Company. I decided to bight
the bullet and order a brand new car. I went down to Heffner British
Cars, across from Rockway Gardens on King St E and ordered a brand new
1967 Austin Mini Cooper! I had to wait a month for it to arrive at the
dealer. The day they called me to say I could pick up my new Cooper I
drove the Volvo into their lot off Weber St across from Eastwood
Collegiate. As I parked it in a row of used cars out behind Heffner’s
it started on fire under the hood. One of Mr Heffner’s employees came
running out of the building and yelled to me that my car was on fire. I
said as I walked toward the showroom “That Volvo now belongs to Heffner
Motors so you’d better grab an extinguisher before there’s nothing left
of it!” I went inside and retrieved the keys to my new Mini Cooper from
the salesman and drove away with a huge smile on my face! The Cooper
proved to be a terrific car and I had it for a couple of years before
moving on to my 5th car! I think I’ll save more of my vehicular stories
for another week. I’m sure it would take all night to tell you about
all 48 or more of the vehicles I’ve owned and each one would have it’s
own stories of adventures to tell when I think of them! LOL! I’ve loved
cars and trucks and motorcycles all my life and have spent a fortune on
them if I took the time to total them all up! From Mini’s to muscle
cars I’ve had them all and each one has been fun and interesting in
their own way. Many of them I wish I’d have kept but I’d have to have a
garage the size of the one that houses Jay Leno’s collection of
vehicles and I don’t happen to have access to his bank account! LOL! If
I ever win that Lotto, I’ll be shopping for an abundance of new
vehicles for sure!
This has been fun to think back about my vehicular history but I’m sure
you all have your own stories to tell when it comes to talking about
the cars etc you’ve owned over the years. Of course, the ladies would
likely rather tell us about the collections of purses and shoes they’ve
owned over their lifetime and the guys would likely find that about as
interesting as the ladies do my car stories! Sorry if I’ve bored the
women of the Squid but I’m a guy and The Ontarion is usually geared
toward “guy talk”! That’s just my nature I guess!
I’ll try harder next week to find a gender-neutral subject to include
all members of the Squid! Thanks for putting up with my male oriented
subject matter this week!
That’s about all for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next time in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now … Greg.
PS: Something To Think About>
Live one day at a time, as if each day is your last. One day you’ll be right!
****
Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.
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