The Squamidian Report – Nov. 24 / 18
 
Issue #861

Including:
From Russ
From Lorne
The Ontarion

Hi All,

I guess most of us have run into this now that we are deep down into November, you know, walk into a store and you hear Xmas Muzak (thankfully not to be confused with Christmas Music), blaring through the store’s sound system. Its enough to knot your knickers. I dropped into my local grocery store the other day to pick up a few items and there is was, loud enough to burrow into my head, that seasonal crap thats supposed to make you feel Xmasy or something. It was revolting. I happened to glance at a middle aged man who has worked there forever, stocking shelves, and he saw and understood the look of distain in my eyes. We nodded at each other and then I asked if he were able to tune that crap out, block his mind from hearing it. He replied that he tries but horror of horrors, this stuff is being played on a loop and just goes on over and over and over, all day long. I felt his pain, he felt mine. I think I made a new friend. Nothing like Xmas season to bring people together in the celebration of commercialism.
*
You may remember a couple of weeks ago I had quite a bit of work done on my little old Ford Ranger. Alarmingly, after a few days of driving the vehicle, it suddenly started making the most horrible grinding sounds, said sounds coming from under the front end somewhere. It was like a shovel full of dry gravel inside a washing machine. As I frantically looked for a place to pull over, the sounds went away. Vanished. I thought “what the heck”! Actually, ‘heck’ wasn’t the word but this is a family letter. So I continued on my way and all was fine for a while and then the sound came back. Then it went away. Now at first I thought perhaps I was losing a bearing but once a bearing starts to self destruct it doesn’t stop self destructing, it only gets worse until it goes to pieces. Puzzling, very puzzling. The next time I was out and about it got alarmingly noisy again and so I swung around by the repair shop. Of course, by the time I got there the truck was smooth and quiet again. Never the less I went in and told them about it, they were equally as puzzled as I was. We made an appointment for them to look at it but being busy, it would be the next week before it could be fit in. The truck was quiet again almost all the way home. While heading back up the hill it started to sound like it was headed for imminent component failure again but, by the time I pulled into my garage, it had gone back to being quiet. ???

This was just too weird. If it were a bearing grinding it would have long since ground itself to dust. So, I climbed under to have a look. Nothing was out of place and everything looked fine. Then, I noticed that the sheet metal backer plates that sit inboard of the brake rotors (front disk brakes) were so rusty and brittle that they were more like soda crackers than metal. I tapped on one and huge scales of rust came tumbling out from between the plate and the rotors. Could this be the issue, the source of the noise, whenever a big chunk of rust is trapped between the rotor and the plate it gets ground to powder and as it is being ground up it sounds like gravel in the washer? I tapped gently on the thin metal on both sides of the truck until no more shards fell out. The truck was nice and silent after that.

By the time the repair shop appointment came it has stayed silent with the exception of one instance and that only lasted a few seconds. I explained all this to the service guy and he had the mechanic test drive the vehicle. Of course, it ran just fine for them. They pulled the front wheels and looked for anything unusual, spun the wheels etc but found nothing. The truck has been fine ever since. I guess all those chunks of rust were the source of the sound as they were rubbing between the rotors and the backer plates, and have now all fallen away. Hopefully, they will stay away.
*
You know, its kind of funny, and that could mean either funny as in ha ha, or funny as in strange, but it doesn’t matter whether I try to do a country song, a folk song, or a rocking rock song, it always comes out soft and very laid back. Part of that is my voice, part is my instrumentation including the lack of drum type things, and part simply the over all sound that putting everything together produces from me. But thats ok, I tend to create the kind of music I would listen to if I were to in fact to listen to music. Another case in point, I got it into my mind to give that old CCR country/rock song, ‘Lodi’ a try. Again, another number that we’d have strummed away at while sitting around a living room years ago. It came out soft and easy, just as I expected it would, and there was nothing I could do about it. But it was a fun project to do as they all are. So, this link will take you to that old Creedence Clearwater Revival song, done up in my typical laid back style.
http://www.thedougsite.net/Songs/Covers/Lodi.mp3
doug
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From Russ

"exhume" (cont'd) Arrest>female>search>

Ours was an all male Police Department. There was talk about hiring a “token’ female, as searching female prisoners was forbidden. Yet, some females were possibly carrying weapons or drugs on their person, and ‘strip searches’ were a necessary part of the arrest procedure.
Most of the male cops were against hiring and training female cops, but the GREATEST objection came from the wives of said men! Why?
“Riding around all night with a female sitting next to my husband? Why he’d be spending more time with HER than with me!”
 
So, there were never any girls/women hired to perform police duties in KPD. Of course, it’s different now, as the Dept. has several of the ‘fairer sex’ in uniform, and doing a good job.
 
The arrest and search of a female prisoner always posed an awkward situation, as we could not even do a ‘pat search’ of her ‘person’.
When arresting a male, we did a pat search before even placing him in a police car, in case he was carrying a weapon of some sort. Then, when he was taken to the ‘Booking Room’ at the Station, we had the man remove all his outer clothing, his belt, tie, or anything else he might use to harm himself. His money and other valuables were placed in a large envelope, and sealed, before placing it in a locker....all done in the presence of the prisoner. His valuables were returned to him, upon release.
 
Now, getting back to female prisoners and the problems which faced us. We could ask the lady to remove her coat, scarf, heavy sweater, etc., and we asked to search her purse. (most were willing...but, my own wife never allowed me to even look into her purse!) As with the men, all valuables were sealed and locked for safety purposes.
 
I arrested this lady (for some criminal behaviour, but I can’t remember the alleged crime), and because we had no ‘protective screens’ in our cruisers, (leaving us us subject to attack from behind), we sometimes placed them in the front beside us where we could ‘keep an eye on them’. That’s where I sat my female prisoner. By the way, I always applied my handcuffs to male prisoners but I don’t recall ever handcuffing a lady prisoner....somehow it just didn’t ‘feel’ right.
 
Uniform police carry night sticks or ‘Billy clubs’, I carried the latter, and there was a special ‘pocket’ in our pants, located in the  right rear side for convenience, and possibly for use in self defense when attacked.
The damned thing is uncomfortable while driving a cruiser, so I had the bad habit of placing my Billy club on the seat beside me. This location came in handy when some of the more ‘nasty’ types tried to kick me in the back of my head.....a few ‘taps’ on the shins cured this problem.
The down side of having my Billy on the seat beside my right hip was that the prisoner beside me had easy access as well! But, nobody ever touched it ...except one.
After ‘processing’ my lady prisoner at the Station, I was directed to take her to the County Jail for a “strip search”, as the Matron was not able to leave her position to come to the police holding cell at that time.
 
I turned my prisoner over to the Matron, and resumed my Patrol duties. For some reason I felt for my Billy on the car seat. IT WASN’T THERE!
Oh boy!! My first impression was to report the loss, but “Careless use of Equipment” would go against my otherwise ‘clean record’, so I didn’t.
The next day when I reported for duty, there was a message for me.
“The Matron of the County Jail has something for Constable Brubacher”
The strip search done by the Matron included a “squat”. You guessed it! Out popped my Billy club. The Matron handed me a clear plastic bag containing the “thing”.  I thanked her for retrieving it, and pleaded for her to ‘keep our “secret”.  She has for all these years.
 
I was promoted to “Plain Clothes Constable” shortly after this, and assigned to the Detective Division where a Billy club is not carried.
 
To this day, only you and I and that lovely Matron lady are the only ones who know about this event.
 
PS I NEVER touched my Billy club again!
 
Your old Uncle Russ.
****
From Lorne

From dead of winter to early spring in a few hours. Right here at home. A low of -17 to a high of +4 at time writing. During the winter, last Sunday, a trip to Niagara  brought us from lots of snow to none whatever. An abundance of Christmas and seasonal lights with a fireworks extravaganza over the falls.

A while back, we booked a trip on 'The Canadian' to Vancouver. Thurs. I got a call from Via Rail informing me that my booking has been cancelled and I could choose another time or cancel and my payment would be returned. This was a recording with no provision to ask questions and no instructions for recourse.  Did the train run off it's tracks? Do they only run with a full house? Is it a scam to find out when  no one is home ? If and when the truth is known, I will tell all.
Lorne
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THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone!
I hope you’re all ready for winter and Christmas!
We’re just getting used to this weather and now it’s supposed to warm up over the next week. What the heck is going on anyway? LOL! I guess it’s just the usual weather pattern for Ontario Canada Eh? Thursday of this week was very cold but very sunny and I received a call from Oakville on Tuesday telling me that the MG was ready for pick up in Oakville. I decided to wait until Thursday to go get it because the weather was supposed to be better on that day. Thursday was fine and the roads were dry so it was a good day to get the MG home for the winter. I asked the owner of the shop in Oakville if he could put a call in to the insurance and see if they would pay for a flat bed truck delivery of the MG to my house in Kitchener. He checked with his source and they wouldn’t pay for it at a cost of $350.00 to deliver the MG home. I even called my own insurance agent and he said that if I had specific rider on my policy to cover such an event that the company would pay for it but I don’t have such a rider. Oh well, like I said last week I wasn’t about to pay for that cost myself. So, I checked on towing the car home myself on a U Haul rented car trailer. However when I went to U Haul on Fairway Rd Thursday morning they didn’t have a trailer available for that day. I decided to just drive to Oakville and drive the MG home myself. My cousin Randy agreed to go with me and drive the Jeep behind me to get it home. So off we went to  Oakville at around 10:30am. It took about an hour and some to go each way and we stopped for a coffee and a bite to eat at the halfway point on the drive home. The roads were all dry and the sun was shining as I said and the drive was pleasant indeed. The heater in the MG even produced a decent heat on the drive back to Kitchener. We got it home and in the garage safe and sound and it’s all tucked in for the winter now. I just have to disconnect the battery for the winter storage period. I even have the cover on the MG now and hopefully it will protect it from any dust etc over the winter months.

Now, all I have to do is wait for a call from the snow blower people in Waterloo to say that my Toro is ready for this coming winter. Then I can go pick it up finally! It’s been in that shop for about a month now and as I’ve said before they had about a hundred of them sitting outside their shop waiting to be refurbished for the coming snow season. I think it should be ready sometime this coming week. I’m hoping for a phone call at least telling me when I can go pick it up. I would like to get my trailer back in storage for the winter as well but I need it to pick up the blower. So, it’s still sitting in the driveway waiting for the call as well. Then I’ll be able to take it back to its resting place at my friend’s home until spring. This sort of thing never seems to end!

I went the other day to Waterloo to the Christmas Tree farm on Benjamin Road and picked out a 4’ high evergreen to put on our front porch for Christmas. I found a little beauty for only $26.95 + Tax of course and now I have to install it on the porch as per Carole’s decorating instructions to look pretty for the Christmas season this year. It’s going to look lovely I’m sure once I get it up and Carole does the decorating of it. It’s a new outdoor decoration for us and should be just beautiful once it’s in place. Hopefully nobody will take a liking to it enough to steal it from the front porch! LOL!

I’ll try my best to anchor it well so it can’t just be picked up and taken away by some crook! I’m sure I’ll be able to do that well enough to deter anyone from making off with her new idea. We spent one day this past week putting up the usual decorations outside the front of the house and they look very nice. The little real tree on the front porch as I’ve said will be the latest addition to the décor and should be easy enough to set up. Other than the decorations, I’ve started my Christmas shopping and will finish it sometime in the next week or two. I usually get that done a couple of weeks before the big day so this year should be no different!

I’m looking forward to shopping this year and I have some good ideas for both Carole and Adam. Over the years we’ve developed a system whereby we give gifts to each other and if once they are opened on Christmas Day, they don’t suit the receiver for some reason or another, there is no hard feelings, we just agree to let the individual return the gift and get something with the refund that does suit! It’s a great way to do it and has stopped any of that “gift sitting in the corner of a room unused” for years thing!
On the other hand we usually don’t have that problem but if we ever do, we have a good solution to it on hand. Before the big day, we have good discussions about what any one of us needs so most times the gifts received and given are well thought out and are something we each need.

It’ll be fun to be home for Christmas this year instead of being in the hospital or down and out with some medical problem like last year. With over a year under my belt now since the heart surgery things are quite balanced and pretty well back to normal. I’m looking forward to this Christmas season and I’m sure I’ll get through it with flying colours! I’m Happy to be here and on the right side of the grass this year.

Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now … Greg
PS: Something To Think About>
You’ll never have it all together if you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time!
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Have a good one..
the doug
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