The Squamidian Report – May 31 / 18
Issue #827
Including:
From Russ
From Lorne
The Ontarion
Hi All,
Oh how I hate pollen season. Itchy red and runny eyes. Runny nose.
Scratchy throat, sneezing, and so on. It wouldn't be so bad if the
'season' would just come, do its thing and then be over with but that
doesn't happen because the spewing of pollen keeps getting interrupted
by bouts of cold wet weather. Then when it turns nice again, the
spewing of pollen starts all over again. It also wouldn't be so bad if
things like antihistamines and other treatments actually banished the
symptoms but they don't. They just slightly relieve them. Oh well, its
the burden some of us must live with in order to live on a planet that
has trees.
*
We've
been feeding the wild birds all winter so that they are here when the
granddaughters come up. Granddaughters seem to love watching them and
the only way to be sure the birds will come around when the kids are
here is to feed them (the birds, and the kids too for that matter)
regularly. A problematic side effect of feeding birds is that they
leave a very big messy mess. They leave seed shells and unwanted bits
all over the place, and worse, much worse, they leave bird droppings
all over the place. We'd been feeding them out on the railing of the
back deck because that area is relatively easy to clean up. We can
sweep it as needed and even hose it off when a more intense cleaning is
necessary. All was fine up until about a week ago. About an hour after
the usual morning feeding I happened to look out and saw feathers all
over the deck. It looked like a bird had exploded. On closer look, I
saw a cat crouching in the flowerbed.
Not good at all. There is no way we want to be baiting birds so that
some cat can satisfy its primal hunting urges. The wife cleaned up the
mess and we stopped feeding the birds on the back deck rail. We didn't
however stop feeding the birds. We moved the feeding location back to
the front deck railing where we had been doing it at some point in the
past but stopped because of the mess the birds were leaving. It took
the Jays about a day to figure out where the new handout location
was. The little birds somehow figured it out immediately. The thing
about feeding them on the front deck which is actually a balcony is
that no cat of any size or level of determination can get to it and
therefore them.
We didn't have much of a problem with cats when Willow was still with
us as she'd have been stalking the cat(s) while the cat(s) were busy
stalking the birds. And she would have won. We'd have been dealing with
what looked like a cat explosion instead of a blown up bird. But thats
how it works, we like our birds whole rather than in pieces, live
rather than being some cat's fun meal. We'll just put up with a dirty,
crappy, messy front balcony until we get sufficiently fed up at which
point the cat's solution might not look so bad after all.
doug
****
From Russ
Continuing with my confessions, I’m going to let you in on some very personal “secret desires”>>>>>>>>
I confess I am a chocoholic......REALLY! I smell it....I gotta have it!
No piece of chocolate within eyesight is safe! When grocery shopping, I
can’t pass a display of it.....I grab something....anything, as long as
it’s chocolate....burry it under some stuff in the bottom of the cart
so I can’t see it, because if I do...it’s going to be gobbled-up before
I hit the checkout! IF it makes it home, I hide it someplace
unusual and try to disabuse my mind so I’ll forget, for a while, where
it is. (sometimes this actually works!)
You know what a “closet drinker” is....well, I’m a “closet chocoholic”.
You’ll find pieces of the stuff hidden around my pad in the most
unexpected places....on a shelf of a bookcase; in the laundry pantry;
in my night table; in the medicine chest; way in the back of the lower
drawer of the computer desk, etc. (out of sight, out of mind sometimes
works because there is a part chocolate bar on the fireplace mantel
that’s been there for “some time”, as it has grown green fur!)
I NEED help. Is there anyone out there? Am I alone in this savage world of addiction?? Is there a “Chocoholics Anonymous” ?
I confess............
A “well-turned ankle” rarely escapes my glance. “But you’re an old man”
you say, and my response, “A woman is as old as she looks, a man is NOT
old until he STOPS looking” (Did I get that right?)
I’m proud to confess, a “pretty girl” brightens my day; warms the
cockles of my heart; is a breath of fresh air; the topping on the cake;
the whipped cream on the lemon pie.....OK! Let’s be honest
here.....the sight of a “chic” turns me on.
I confess that some equally delicious things whet my appetite:
Chocolate cake
Chocolate brownies
Chocolate pudding
Chocolate syrup
Chocolate ice cream (Did I say I was a “chocoholic”?)
By the way, way back during my police career, I was “turned off”
chocolate for weeks, when I attended the poste mortem of a young
housewife who died after eating some chocolate-coated peanuts. There
was nothing toxic about the chocolate itself, but a “stiffening agent”
in the product used to “keep the chocolate from melting in your hands
but not in your mouth”, to which the poor lady was acutely allergic was
the culprit.
NUTS! I also confess here, that I LOVE nuts (no, not lover’s
nuts, that’s a whole new subject) I come by this weakness
naturally....my Dad also was a lover of nuts. I can still see him
around Christmas time (about the only time we had an abundance of nuts
in the shell) cracking his nuts using a claw hammer. He was very good
at it....he could even crack the hardest of them all....what he called
“nigger toes” (He meant no disrespect) What’s the real name, filberts?
We never owned a proper tool for the job, I was a kid, and not good at
using a claw hammer....I usually hit my fingers instead! “Ouch!”
“Suck your fingers...it’ll stop blood-blisters” Pop said. I did, but it
didn’t. In tears I look in awe at the piles of nut shells covering the
vice and workbench where we “pigged-out” on nuts in the shell way back
then.
Happy Easter to all you Squamidians,
Uncle Russ.
****
From Lorne
Still on the subject of smells. back in my childhood, there were
picnics held in parks. Some were church affairs, family reunions, and
some for just a reason to have a picnic. Lemon aid was home made and
brought in big cream cans that would hold a lot and keep it cool for
most of the day. The smell when a can was 1st opened was heavenly,
especially at the church picnics. So as a kid with a big thirst, I had
as many drinks as the adult attendant aloud. However, the water used
was generally from a farm well and often I became sick which introduced
another smell. Not so pleasant this time but memorable
nevertheless.
Lorne
****
THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello Everyone!
Our area is plagued with an unusual number of motor vehicle deaths
lately. It’s got me wondering what the reason for this sudden rash of
bang ups is!
Now, I know that the two involving motorcycles with four wheelers are
not as unusual as deaths in MVC’s with two or more cars or trucks but I
am thinking that these crashes are from inattentive drivers in the cars
who just happen to be on the cell-phone or texting while operating
their vehicle. Most people this time of year don’t expect to see a
motorcycle on the roads yet and are caught off guard. However the
car-to-car wrecks are just happening all too often! This has to be the
result of the latest craze of multitasking while behind the wheel! When
will people learn? I’m sure that being fined will help the situation
but at this moment the fines are not heavy enough to discourage the use
of cell-phones so we’ll just have to wait and see how the jump from
$399.00 up to $1,000.00 on June first helps the situation. I would
rather people just grow up and shut their phones off while driving in
stead of having to be shocked into doing so by either huge fines or
people dying around them in crashes! As a fire fighter I helped clean
up enough MVC messes caused by drinking and other happenings without
having to deal with people yacking on phones and ignoring the rules of
the road! Maybe the use of video or photos of gruesome collision scenes
during one’s driver training classes would help people realize how
dangerous and disastrous inattentive driving can be! Do you think that
would help deter you from doing anything behind the wheel of your car
other than pay attention to the operation of your vehicle?
I think it might help but is certainly not the answer to this huge
problem. Some people just have to lose a loved one or be badly injured
themselves to learn not to abuse the right to drive! Hopefully someday
soon they’ll come up with a device that will not allow your car to
start if you’re cell-phone is still in the “ON” position when you enter
your car. If they do, Insurance Companies should make the installation
of such a device in every vehicle mandatory and demand proof before
insuring people to drive! Such a heavy-handed “Big Brother” approach
might be the only solution to the problem.
This is just a little food for thought at the moment! I’m reminded of
all the lost lives I’ve witnessed at “collision” scenes and bodies I’ve
personally had to help remove from crushed vehicles over my 30 years on
the job and it makes me sick to picture some of the memories it
conjures up! I wish I could be sure things will improve regarding the
use or misuse of these devices but like I’ve said “Will people ever
learn to obey the Law?” Likely NOT!
Speaking of motor vehicles I’m looking forward to getting our MGB out
of winter storage and back on the road. With the recent couple of nice
sunny days, I’ve been tempted to back ‘er out of the garage and get it
ready for the onset of spring and summer but I’m afraid it’s a bit too
early yet! I’ve got a couple of projects to complete on the MG this
spring and am looking forward to getting at them. One is the
installation of our new roof, which has been in a box in the garage for
15 years, and also the installation of the new “trunk” mats that I
received for Christmas this year to complete the finish of the MG. Most
people don’t bother to have their car trunks lined with quality carpet
but when the car is a special “Hobby” vehicle, it’s something that
really sets the vehicle off when your using it for fun and pleasure
only part of the year. People wherever we go want to see this little
sports car and usually ask to see in the trunk and under the hood and
it’s always nice to have both appear special! We’ve had a lot of fun
over the past 29 years just driving it around on sunny days and haven’t
bothered to put the convertible roof up very often. This is why I have
procrastinated in installing the new roof. The original one that’s
still on the MG (it’s a 1979) has a couple of holes in it and the
plastic rear window is a little discoloured from age. We really only
put it up if we get caught in the rain so most times when we’re out in
it the skies are blue and the sun is shining and there’s no need to
have the roof up. This is why the new roof is still in the box I guess!
Anyway, there’ll come a day soon that the days will be warm again and I
swear I’ll get the new roof on early this spring once that happens!
When I do, I’ll attach a few pictures of the MG to my Ontarion so you
can all appreciate what I’ve been talking about all these years! I’ve
been looking at a beautiful picture of “R Wee Bee” (which is our
license plate) on our desktop for about a week now and it’s gotten me
all enthused about the car once again. Carole placed the picture on the
desktop and it sure is looking good. It’s makes me feel that summer is
here and now I’m hoping it will be, very soon!
That’s about all for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now … Greg
PS: Something To Think About>
Those upcoming warm sunny days!
Happy Easter
****
Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.
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