The Squamidian Report – Dec. 12 / 15
Issue #707
Including:
The Ontarion
Hi All,
We are hopefully nearing the end of a 3-week wet spell, perhaps by
early or mid next week making it closer to 4 weeks. Perhaps 'wet' is
not the right word. On the few days that it hasn't been raining, its
been out and out pouring. None-stop. Those Pacific storms set up all in
a row like a conveyor belt and then start pumping, one after the other.
There is no way to describe to anyone who has not experienced these
storms just how much water falls from the sky. The volume is
incredible. The winds can be incredible too. Strangely, there was one
day, about a week ago, when for some reason a lull in the weather
activity happened. The wind died down to almost nothing, the rain
temporarily almost stopped. I figured this might be a good time to
quickly pop down to the ball park and fly the little airplane. Who
knows when the next window of opportunity might be. So, off I went. The
first thing I look for at the field is people. If there is anyone on
the field I don't fly, out of courtesy and safety. Luckily, there was
no one there meaning I could fly, except that I couldn't. There were
more Canada geese on that field than I've ever seen in my life. It was
standing room only. And you know what that means, there was more goose
poop than I've ever seen in my life. The grass was covered, more
importantly and disappointingly, the infield was covered making it a
poopy gooy green. There would be no way to take off or land on it even
if I could get to the infield without getting my boots totally smeared.
I could have flown from the parking lot but I'd still need to have the
actual flying take place over the outfield and that would mean flying
over who knows how many hundreds of geese. All it would take is for
some dork to come along and complain that an R/C was 'harassing' the
birds. You know how some people can be. Or, if I were to keep the plane
over the field a bit too long and the flight battery were to expire,
the plane would come down out on a rather richly freshly fertilized
field. Neither option was good so, I went home. Perhaps this incredible
amount of rain we are having will dissolve and flush away the countless
bird turds, leaving the field ready and available for next time.
*
'The Wife' and I were sitting on the couch the other
evening, and I being a normal person was channel surfing and found
myself on a TV station out of Washington State that only runs old shows
and programs. You know, the stuff from way back when. This particular
evening they were running some old Christmas episodes of some old
sitcoms, in this case, Petticoat Junction and The Beverly Hillbillies.
Both of these shows had been way too dumb and silly and stupid to be
worth watching back in the early 60's but apparently we must have
because they were vaguely familiar. Or at least the characters in them
seemed to be. Anyway, in the first one, the characters from Hooterville
wanted to decorate the old steam train that runs from the village to
the hotel, and then use it to go around the valley singing Christmas
carols. (I'm not sure you'd be aloud to sing Christmas carols on public
transportation theses days). But of course, and totally predictably,
the grumpy old assistant manager of the railway company that operates
the train, (Smily Burnet played the engineer) was determined to put a
stop to the festivities and tried to shut down the train and therefore
shut down the 'little hotel called the Shady Rest at the Junction'. He
apparently had it in for the people who ran the place. However, and
totally predictably, the real manager of the railroad caught on and
also predictably, knew and was an old friend of 'Kate'. So, to make a
pretty dumb story short, he managed to get there in time to save the
day, make the grumpy guy dress up like and elf and partake in the
merriment.
The second silly show was the Beverly Hillbillies. Again,
embarrassingly stupid on all levels but somehow vaguely familiar. And,
by today's standards, most definitely not politically correct. Just the
fact that a family is portrayed as so backward and clueless would get
you stoned these days. Then there was the fact that the banker's wife
was making a big fuss over her brand new Christmas present, a very
expensive mink coat. Who would dare to wear a fur coat now? (Funny, we
don't seem to have a problem with leather). Now heres where it got
really dumb and beyond politically incorrect... the banker and his wife
were having a 'spat' and she headed off in a huff to their mansion next
door. The banker said to Jed Clampit that he was going home and have a
talk with her to which old Jed replied, “why not just take her out back
and give her a good wompin”. Humor from 50 years ago would be today's
lawsuits. Oh how times have changed.
*
And then there was our dead battery incident. There
had been some indication for a while that the battery in the car was
getting tired but I had managed to more or less ignore them although we
had decided to get a new battery in the near future. The future is now,
or more accurately, last Tuesday. Our normal morning routine includes
walking the dog to the dog park, perhaps a kilometer away, so she can
sniff etc to her heart's content, then walk home of course. After that,
we'd all jump in the car and head on down to the Golden Arches for a
coffee. Willow doesn't actually like coffee but she insists on the
outing. However, that particular morning, like so many others of late,
was pouring rain so hard the wipers couldn't begin to keep up. So, as
we do on mornings like that, we drove the dog to the dog park where she
did a quick sniff and dump (which we of course cleaned up) and then
continued on down into town for our coffee. We enjoy sitting in the car
watching the world go by as we drink said coffee and thats what we did.
When we went to leave, the car would not start. A few clicks from the
starter system was all, battery down too far to turn the starter over.
Ok, now what do we do? I have booster cables in the pickup truck but
I'd need a lift home to get the truck. We have BCAA but had never used
it, perhaps this should be the time to give it a try. I called them and
spent a frustrating time trying to deal with a taped message and
instructions. Finally the mechanical voice got tired of me and
requested that I talk to a 'real' person. Thats what I had wanted all
along. Du. Upon explaining the situation to the 'real' person, they
said that they were way backed up but could probably have a local tow
truck attend in an hour or perhaps a bit longer. It would take that
long to call a cab, go home and get the truck and come back and I'd
have to pay for the cab so we agreed to wait for the tow truck to come
and boost the car. The truck actually got there in just over half an
hour and the boost took all of 2 minutes. We were on our way. Now
replacing a battery in a vehicle is very easy to do if the battery is
somewhere thats easy to get to and ours is. But batteries are heavy and
I'm getting older and my shoulders are shot, so we figured it couldn't
hurt to check with the local Toyota dealer to see if they could slip
the car in and install a new one for us, which they could, and did.
They charged us 20 minutes for labor, it would have taken me that long
to get the old one out so no complaints here. The old battery was
original, the car is a 2008 so again, no complaints there either. Next
time I'll pay more attention to the signs that the battery is starting
to fail, unless by then I'm too old to even remember to do so.
*
And lastly, I know for a fact while a few of you may
be disappointed, some of you really couldn't care less and others will
perhaps even be a bit relieved but heres the thing.... This has been a
very stressful year and a very busy year. There simply hasn't been many
opportunities to get or feel 'creative'. Therefore, unlike the last
several years, at this time of year, I will not be sending out home
made, original music CDs. There has only been 4 new compositions this
year and its certainly not worth the time or expense to burn those to
CD and mail them out. Oh well. At some point it will just 'happen'
again. Maybe in time for next year's Christmas.
doug
****
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THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone!
It’s getting close to Christmas and we’re still having the same temps
as Doug and Sue out west! What a pleasant surprise at this time of year
here in Ontario! Guess we’ll just have to grin and bare it!
I’ve been out Christmas shopping and haven’t been bothered by the
crowds that usually plague the stores and malls in mid December. I
guess they’re pulling a 'Doug' and waiting till the last minute to do
their shopping. With the cost of a barrel of oil these days, I wouldn’t
be surprised if people are giving gift certificates for their local
Petro Canada Station. After 66 years of life here on earth I’m starting
to think of more practical gifts I guess, thus the petrol idea! When
you reach my age, which isn’t really all that old, you tend to run out
of gift ideas when people ask what you’d like for Christmas. I really
have a hard time thinking of something I’d like to receive for such
occasions. Although I must admit that I’ve always been at a loss when
asked what I’d like for a gift. I’ve always enjoyed giving more than I
receiving gifts but I guess that’s just my nature. When you reach this
stage in life, just having your family around you for a nice Christmas
dinner is gift enough. With good health and everyone you love happy and
smiling, life seems full enough! We have a small family but we always
manage to enjoy this time of year as if we were as large as the
Brubacher Clan. I’m sure the homestead has always been buzzing and how
could it not be with so many in the family home for Christmas!
Anyway, I’d be willing to bet that there won’t be many toboggans and
sleighs under the tree this year or in years to come with the weather
changing like it is. The predictions for a mild winter here in Ontario
have filled the airwaves so I hope for a change that the predictions
are correct. I’d like my Toro to last another twenty years like Doug’s
apparently will! LOL! I guess when the closest you come to blowing the
snow is seeing it on the distant mountaintops the blower doesn’t suffer
any wear and tare! The sidewalks will hopefully stay bare this year or
at least well into the winter season. It’d be a nice change not to have
to be clearing them two and three times a day like we did the past few
years. The city of Kitchener has hired outside contractors to do the
clearing of snow this year instead of paying city workers overtime to
do the task. I’m anxious to see how that works out! I’d be willing to
bet it’ll be a losing proposition for the taxpayers. Oh well, the big
winners will be the contractors if we don’t get any snow. I’m sure they
are like insurance companies that bet on you not dying so they don’t
have to pay out on your Life policies. The contractors bet against it
snowing so they can cash in on the lump sums without having to lift a
shovel or move a plow! Only time and Mother Nature will tell.
With the anticipation of snow on the roads, I installed my snow tires a
couple of weeks ago. I’m like a Boy Scout who’s always “Prepared”. I
have the tires on and the Toro ready for action but if all goes well, I
may not have to use either one! At least I’ve been able to take
advantage of the new legislation requiring Insurance Companies to offer
a discount of 5% for having snow tires on one’s vehicle this time of
year. I’d rather have them on my Jeep and not need them than need them
and not have them on! That goes for having a snow blower in the garage
at the ready as well I guess. Anyway, whatever comes our way winter
wise, I’m ready for it! What I’m not ready for are the heavy tax
increases the city is applying this year as well as the additional
charges for hydro and water that are in the budget. Some months our
billing shows that it’s costing us more to pay for the service charges
for each utility than the cost of the actual item itself! Ie: Delivery
of the water, natural gas or electricity costs us more than the gas,
water or electricity delivered! Not much we can do about it I guess! It
just ticks me off!
One more thing that ticks me off is the fact that some creep stole a
lovely planter that Carole made to be part of our decorations on the
outside of the house. We had it sitting on the bench in the garden at
the side of our house, just at the end of our porch. It was a large
plastic terra cotta pot with beautiful green boughs, white stars on
sticks, a large red sparkly ball on a stick and a sparkling silver bow
attached to the rim of the pot. It also weighed in at around 35 lbs I’d
say. It sat there for three days and nights and all of a sudden Carole
noticed it was gone! Someone had to have slugged it out to a car to
haul it away. We checked the field behind the house thinking that if it
was a young vandal that snapped it up it might be smashed in the Hydro
Right Of Way but alas it was not to be! I guess that meant that it was
an adult thief with a vehicle waiting nearby. I phoned the Police and
then went on line to fill in a theft report on their Regional Police
website. I don’t know what good that did but at least the police have
the information should someone drop the decoration on the hood of one
of their cruisers while the cop is sleeping behind the local plaza! I
doubt we’ll ever find out who the culprit was or is so I hope the
GRINCH needed it more than he figures we did! What a rotten thing
to do at this or any other time of year. I hope he pulled his groin
lifting the pot! On the other hand, he’s likely the type that pulls his
groin just for fun! LOL!
Guess that’s it for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now … Greg
Something To Think About>
You’re never too old to learn something stupid!
****
Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
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