The
Squamidian Report – Jan. 29 / 11
Issue #453
Including:
Lorne’s Cars
The Ontarion
Hi All,
I guess we are all responding to Greg’s car list so here goes…. My first vehicle was a 106cc ‘motorbike’ that I bought new from Sear about 1966 or so. That was when everyone was riding the small motorbikes. They were not call motorcycles because of their small engine size although they actually were and did require the same licensing. In those days the term ‘motorcycle’ was associated with the hard core greasy biker types. That was when Honda came out with their slogan, “you meet the nicest people on a Honda” and virtually captured the whole market with their little step-through 50 and 65cc machines. Those things were as close to bullet proof as you could get and many are still around today in less developed parts of the world. Anyway, that Sears bike carried me to a lot of places. It also carried me through some pretty bad weather conditions because it was the only ‘wheels’ I had and so I rode it year round. I used to put home-made tire chains on the back wheel for riding through snow. I actually headed up to the old farm one incredibly cold and stormy February afternoon, and it was so stormy that most of the traffic had enough sense to stay off the roads. At times you couldn’t see 10 ft in front because of blowing snow. I think I froze both feet and both knees that day but I was young and what the heck.
Our dog at the time, Tuk, also rode around Southern Ontario on the back of that bike. He’d just jump up on the seat behind me, sit crossways and lean against my back. We’d sure get some funny looks from people as we scooted up the highway or cruised the drag down town.
Once it occurred to me that 4 wheels and a roof would be kind of nice I purchased an old black 1949 Ford pickup from a neighbour. Sure wish I still had that truck but I couldn’t afford to put gas in it and the body was falling apart. Gas was 40-some cents a gallon and I was making 33 cents an hour packing groceries at Zehrs after school. But that truck had those sweeping fenders with the spare tire (and it was an original) mounted in the fender right behind the front wheel, and it had a 3-on-the-floor shift as well as a wooden dash board and a sliding rear window. Very classy for an old farm truck. I think I paid $100 for it and also sold it for the same amount.
Then there was a small Chev or Pontiac, can’t quite remember which but I do recall taking the front end off by hitting a utility pole one slippery morning on the way to a part-time job. That was followed with a very fun, beat-up ‘58 VW beetle that had a tendency to catch fire if someone heavy was sitting in the back seat. The wire seat springs would short out the battery. You had to lift your feet when driving through a puddle because the floor was not in very good shape and the front seat passenger would have to hold on when the car was making a sharp left turn because the door would fly open. My youngest brother went rolling across the front lawn back home many late nights when he was not feeling too much pain and I was taking the turn into the driveway at a rather higher than necessary rate of speed. That cars was a lot of fun but it’s useful life came to an end when I discovered that if you rolled a VW bug, it just keeps on rolling and rolling, and rolling.
My next vehicle put me back on 2 wheels. I purchased a nice new 1969 Royal Enfield 750, a very big, powerful bike at the time. I put a set of ape-hanger handle bars on it as well as a sissy bar that included a machete welded on for effect. I sure got some strange glares from a lot of people who assumed I was a member of some undesirable gang. But I wasn’t, I was just a kid having fun. Back then I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be a hippy or a grease-ball and failed at being either so I guess that made me a semi-greasy quasy-hippy or some such thing. I held the rubber-laying record in front of the Horton’s on Ottawa beside Zehrs with that bike until Honda came out with that 750 inline four of theirs. I rode that bike out west a couple of times and would have kept it forever but the days of the British bikes were over and you could not get parts anymore. And British bikes needed parts on a regular basis. I still had the Enfield after I was married and we were living in our own house but because of the parts availability problem, I traded it for a 400cc dirt bike which opened up a whole new and very fun aspect of motorcycling for us.
There was one more vehicle I had while I was still young and single. I bought a new Ford Pinto the first year they were out, about ’71 but I’m not really sure of what year that was. Most people look back on those Pintos as lemons but except for the fact that the paint fell off, it was not a bad little car. No power but good mileage, handled ok compared to the junkers I had before it came along. And face it, it had a working heater and a roof. Couldn’t ask for much more than that.
That’s as far as I’ll take my vehicle memoirs, at least for now.
doug
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Lorne’s Cars
Hi, This is in response to Greg’s story last week. I have had a lot of vehicles over the years starting about 1940. My 1st was a1931 Durant, 2nd a 1931 Chev. 3rd a 1929 Desoto , 4th a 1933 Plymouth coupe with wire spoke wheels plus 2 spares on the side. [drove out to B,C, in that car in 1947] Paid $290 for it in 1942, sold it in 1948 for $490. next a 1935 Dodge, then a 1936 Chev.,a 1942 Plymouth, along with that a 1938 Willys cab over engine panel, then a 1940 Hudson, a1931 Model A Ford that really belonged to Wayne. a 1950 new A90 Austin. [lemon] After that I stepped up to a 1949 Mercury, a great car. then a 1953 Meteor, a 1956 Ford, a 1960 Galaxy then a 1968 Chev.a 1951 Ford 3/4 ton pickup. [more useful than any other and fun too] then a1970 brand new Dodge Polara hardtop a1975 new Dodge hardtop, a 1978 Chrysler LeBaron , next my 1st new Ford, a1985 Crown Vic., the first of the Mercury Grand Marquis,a 1992, 1994, 1998 and presently and well over due, 2006. That is less than Greg's, but purchase price was between $ 80 and $ 46,000. Oh, did I mention my 2010 Massey?
Lorne
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THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone!
Isn’t it strange how we all have pet peeves and things that bother us more than anything else? I’ve been bugged a lot by things that others do for probably most of my life. For instance, when I was a kid my sister used to look at me and when she caught my eye, she’d make her nostrils tweak in and out or open and closed if you prefer and it would bug the heck out of me. Especially when she’d do it at the dinner table. Of course she’d do it when my parents weren’t looking and when I yelled at her to “Stop it!” I’d be the one to be chastised for disrupting the dinner. It’s no secret that brothers and sisters have a way of getting on each other’s nerves. I think sometimes that God puts them together in the same family because he knows that it’ll make for an interesting time for the parents to watch the kids interact and bug each other! LOL! I dare say there likely is not a family on earth where the kids get along perfectly and that’s ok. After all, kids have to learn the skills of getting along with others and how else would they learn this if they didn’t have others near their own age and size to practice on? Bugging your sister or brother was just part of the game when I was a kid and I’m sure it’s no different for kids these days! Of course my sister and brother bugged the heck out of me but I never returned the favour to either of them, I was what my mother used to call “Just a little Angel!” you can ask both my brother and sister and I’m sure they’ll corroborate my story!
Since I’ve matured a little in the past 62 years, there are still things that bother me about people and I’ve learned how to bother people a tad as well, just ask my wife! She says that there are times when I bug her! Can you believe that? I can’t! I like to believe what my mother said, that I’m “Just a little Angel!” and leave it at that. I do however tend to voice and display my disgust with other drivers when I’m out in my car! The actions of some drivers are of particular irritation and I like to yell at the top of my lungs when they piss me off. Of course I only do this when there’s nobody else in the car with me and when the idiot driver can’t hear me either. I do however love the fact that my Jeep has a horn and I make use of it quite regularly. It gives me instant relief to honk the hell out of it when some dummy makes a dangerous or stupid move that causes me grief. The usual pet peeves are still out there and nowadays there are new problems cropping up when driving that are not only stupid but downright dangerous! There’s the habit of talking on the cell phone while driving. That’s a big pet peeve! Then there’s the new situation where drivers are “Texting” while driving and that’s really dangerous indeed! I guess they’re steering with their knees while both hands are busy typing on the keys of their tiny cell phone keypads. I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet that “IT’S ILLEGAL!” I’d just like to point out that the new habit I just mentioned (Texting) is so new that my “Spell Check” won’t even recognize it as a word! LOL!
I have one more personal Pet Peeve that I’d like to mention. Doug and I have had a discussion about this one while out together for breakfast at “The Country Boy” restaurant and I’m happy that he agrees with me on this one. I absolutely hate it when the waitress or waiter steps up to take my order at any eatery and says in a nice loud voice “Will that be ONE bill or TWO?” This immediately puts the pressure on someone at the table to either commit to paying for both meals or making him or herself look like a cheap skate by saying “Make it two bills!” I don’t think it’s appropriate for the wait staff to be asking this! If nothing else, it makes it uncomfortable for all parties at the table when they are put in such a position. Is it too much to ask that the server simply bring a bill for each customer and let the customers sort out privately who’s going to treat whom? I say not! I have over the years decided that when a server does this to me and I feel uncomfortable, that they have lost any tip they might have received from me if I’m the one paying! I don’t agree with embarrassing the person that’s providing the cash that’s paying your wages! I do think that owners or managers of such establishments should set a policy when it comes to server etiquette and solve this particular problem before it’s created! I’ve been tempted to have a tee shirt made up that says on the front “If you ask, you lose your TIP!”
I doubt it would even sink in if they’d bother to read it anyway!
Guess I’ll just have to go on being thought of as the bad guy that didn’t leave a tip! What the hell???? Why should I take the blame when it’s the ignorance of the server that caused all this hassle in the first place? SHEESH!
That’s it for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I look forward to talking to you all again on MARCH 5TH when Carole and I are once again back on Canadian soil!
I have decided to take my first break from writing my column for the month of February. Carole and I will be vacationing in Pensacola Beach Florida once again this year and I have decided not to take a laptop computer along this time! If I really feel the need to do so, I’m sure I’ll be able to find a community computer at the resort that I can use. However, as much as I do enjoy writing The Ontarion Report I have decided to take a break this time. I hope you’ll all forgive me and that the absence of The Ontarion Report for one month will make you all look that much more forward to reading it and catching up with things from my end when The Ontarion does resume in March. I’ll be back in print as of March 5th 2011.
Thanks for being such faithful readers for both Doug and me and I’ll see you in March!
Good bye for now.. GREG
PS: Something To Think About>
Maybe one of two of you will take a few minutes and send Doug a composition of your own to fill in the empty space in the Squid while I’m gone!
Thanks again.. GREG.
PPS: Carole and I wish Vivyan a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY in February! Sorry we can’t be there to celebrate with you!
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Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.