The Squamidian Report –
Sept. 18 / 10
Issue #434
Including:
The Ontarion
Hi All,
The cool wet weather of late has put some green back into our lawns and gardens. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had lots of nice sunny late summer type days but we have also had a fair number of rainy ones. And that takes me to the topic of snow. Some of our rainy nights have been snowy nights up on the mountains. Looks to me like the slopes and peaks over about 6,000 ft are cold enough to be snowed on and to keep that snow once the sun comes back out. That gets a bit interesting. Our spring was so cold and wet that there was almost no melting in the high country until well into July. And even at that, between a late melt and an over abundance of snow from last winter, not all the snow that usually melts, did melt. We still have snow below the tree line from last winter. There are still large snow and ice fields up on the higher slopes, visible right from our house. And now it is mid September and those snow and ice fields are being added to and starting to grow. If memory serves me right, the definition of an Ice Age is when more snow falls during the winter than melts during the summer. The snowfields start to grow, eventually become glaciers and away you go. Larger snowfields reflect more of the sun’s heat energy back into space causing cooler local temperatures and the vicious circle gets under way. Something to think about!
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We were sitting in front of the boob-tube the other evening and I was doing the usual male thing, channel surfing. Came across a channel that was running two movies back-to-back, Best In Show and A Mighty Wind. We’ve seen these before but they are so funny and well done that it was worth sitting through them again. If you are not familiar with them, they are ‘mocumentaries’ and were done using the same cast of comedians in both. (There is a third movie but its name escapes me right now). In both movies Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy played the central characters. In ‘Best In Show’ they were the misfit owners of a small dog who would go on to win the top prize in a dog show, bringing fame to the otherwise small town nobodies. In ‘A Mighty Wind’ they played folk singers very loosely based on Ian & Sylvia. They pull off the musical part of the performance quite well. I won’t go into any deeper detail but if you have not seen these movies and ever got the chance, do so. Laughter is good for you.
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There is a night prowler in our area lately, working his way from house to house under cover of darkness. He is big and he (or she) is black. And before anyone gets all upset about him (or her) being profiled as ‘black’, the plain fact is, there can be no other description. That’s what colour black bears usually are. This one has been checking gardens and fruit trees, knocking over any garbage can that has been thoughtlessly left out, and setting off all the neighborhood dogs. There is a good side to having this nocturnal visitor. As long as a bear is spending time in the area, the local cougars are less likely to be. Bears are mostly interested in vegetables and fruit. Cougars like the house pets.
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And if you are wondering why this week’s column is so fractured and lacking any real direction, it is because I decided to spare you from reading yet another motorcycle story. Don’t get me wrong; we had some nice rides this week, up to Whistler and down to Horseshoe Bay. But reading about too much of that kind of thing can get pretty boring,
and this is the best I could come up with.
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Oh, one last late breaking thing, and Ed Mansz will love this. Our dog treed a squirrel, up the MONKEY TREE. That’s right, the silly little squirrel ran up the monkey tree. I’ll bet it has sore feet now, if it even has any feet left now.
doug
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THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone!
Well, if you ask me we’re starting into the fall weather a tad early for my liking. It’s cool and rainy out there right now and is supposed to be that way for a few more days. I’m hoping the predictors are wrong about that. I’d like to see a fall like the summer that’s just on its way out! I have heard that we’re supposed to be in for a nice warm fall but who really knows for sure. For those of us that like to ride or at least be out in the fall weather it’d be nice to have a warm one to look forward to. I like the changing of the seasons and in particular the fall when the leaves turn so many beautiful colours and the smell of the outdoors seems to change along with the leaves. I remember back when I was a kid that people used to rake all their leaves to the curb and then burn them right there on the spot. That smell of burning leaves was such a reminder that the season had changed and colder weather was on its way. I’ve always loved the smell of burning leaves and miss it now that the fire marshal’s office has banned any such activity anywhere in Ontario. Now all we get is either the odors from the landfill site 4km to the northwest of us when the wind blows right or the smell of heavy industrial stench that wafts our way from the States to our west and southwest.
Ohio and Michigan are huge producers of such pollution and unfortunately we’re right in the path of their wind direction. We have our own pollution producer right here in southern Ontario in the form of Hamilton. Although the big steel mills have improved their pollution cleanup as well as a couple of them have shut down altogether in Hamilton so it’s not as bad as it was for many years.
Speaking of dirty, the thought of Hamilton reminds me of the first dirty joke my dad ever told me. He said to me one day when I was about 15 and we were out hunting in a farmers bush lot and could smell the farm odors and were talking about how strong they were, he said “My girlfriend said ‘Kiss me where it stinks!’ so I took her to Hamilton!” It took me a long while to figure that one out in more ways than one but when I gave it some thought a few years later I finally figured it out. It still makes me laugh when I think back on that comment and I wish my dad was still here so I could tell him how disgusting his sense of humor was back then! LOL! What the heck, if you can’t take a little off colour humor once in a while you’re life must be pretty dull! I guess I’m as bad or worse for perpetuating such jokes but then they’ve been part of my repertoire since being exposed to them and I guess it’s my duty to pass them on to keep the world around me smiling!
I used to enjoy telling a string of jokes a mile long that for some reason I’d been able to remember for years and years. They used to come in handy at parties and on occasion when things became a little too dull at family gatherings or other functions we’d been invited to. Things these days have become a little too Politically Correct to tell the jokes in my collection in some company but they do still prove useful in the right company. Carole of course has heard them all a million times but on occasion I can still bring tears to her eyes with one of my better ones! LOL! She says she’s tired of them but still snickers when she hears them. That’s the sign of a really good joke when it’s still funny to your spouse after almost 40 years. I’d say I still have at least a dozen, well maybe three that will make her laugh when I tell them. Girls are strange that way, they have a difficult time finding the humor in most jokes told by guys. They say things like “Now that’s not funny!” or “You’re sick!” or “I don’t see anything humorous about that!” but, let a guy just drop one little fart in mixed company and see what happens! LOL! The girls try their darndest not to laugh but deep in side they’re busting a gut! In fact, I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall in all of your rooms right now as the girls of Squamidia read this passage! I bet you’re all secretly chuckling at the mention of the word “fart” but would never admit it! C’mon….. tell the truth, farts are funny, even to girls! Well, maybe not so much now that you’re all grown up but how many of you tittered when one of the boys in your school room dropped one in class? I bet you all did!
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Sorry for the final subject of this weeks Ontarion but when trying to come up with something to write about each week, the mind just seems to wander and sometimes it wanders back to the days when …. well, farts were funny!
Thanks for tuning in and I look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now… Greg.
PS: I wonder if Doug ever sneaks one out while Sue’s riding with him on Big Blue? Naaaw, he’s definitely too much of a gentleman for that! But I bet you all chuckled as you thought about it! (My apologies Doug)
PPS: Something To Think About>
Only 104 days until Christmas!
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Have a good one..
the doug
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