The Squamidian Report – July 17 / 04

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Also in this issue:

Giggle from Jackie

The Ontarion

Hi All,

We all seem to be having a slow week with not much to yap about. Oh well. Here is how to make yourself a great bowl of ice cream. First, put some ice cream in a bowl. Then, go out into the back yard beside the deck and pick a bunch of blueberries right on top of the ice cream. Works for me. The ice cream is optional.

I spent the week at Sara’s. Now I’d better explain. We are still working in that ritzy development up in Whistler and we spent the week running the underground services into Sara’s lot. Sara McGlawkland (I haven’t got a clue how to spell that) owns one of the lots. It’s quite a job to bring services in from the street. Water and sewer are put in fairly deep and then hydro and communication conduits run above them. It is kind of satisfying to know that rich famous people need sewer pipes just like the rest of us.

These driveways have been blasted along the sides of the mountains or up through rocky ravines. The blasters are supposed to make sure the rock is broken enough for us to do our trenching but often we hit huge boulders that tax the excavator to the limit. It is one thing to drag a rock the size of a car out of the hole but another to swing it out of the way without tipping the excavator. To protect the pipes and conduits everything is bedded in sand, which has to be trucked in. The bedding sand is expensive and we go through dozens of loads for each driveway. No other way to do it.

The commute up to Whistler is still a drag. The morning run isn’t too bad as it’s mostly commuters, not tourists etc. To get to the job site for 6:30 I leave here in time to grab a coffee at Horton’s. I hang out there until 5:45 before heading north up the highway. The highway is closed at night for major construction and re-opens at 6 AM. The closed area, known as the Canyon, is just up past Warren’s. So the closed section is opening just as I get there. There is usually quite a line of vehicles already waiting to get through so I am stuck in the convoy until we get up to the passing lanes just past Brandywine Falls. Most mornings the traffic moves alone OK but some mornings there is someone at the head of the line that shouldn’t be on that highway, piddling along at about half the posted speed. When that happens pandemonium breaks out when we get to the passing lanes and it seems like everyone is out to pass the slow jerk.

The drive home is often frustrating. That’s when all the commuters end up mixing with all the mobile homes and campers that are lumbering along. The thing they don’t realize is that you cannot look at the scenery and drive at the same time on this highway. The commuters just want to get home. The tourists need to pull off into the many sight seeing areas, not drive past them at 20 miles an hour.

One more thing. Never microwave whole tomatoes and don’t microwave your ice cream for too long.

See, I told you I didn’t have much to write about this week.

****

Giggle from Jackie

Hi y'all. I'm MC'ing a friend's wedding this weekend and so have spent some time on the internet reading jokes, quotes and toasts relating to weddings and marriage. I came across this POST-nuptial agreement and thought some of you might enjoy it. (I wish I had time to write more but it's a busy weekend. We're closing on a duplex--our second property in Orillia--as I write!)

POST-NUPTIAL CONTRACT

Whereas, the aggrieved party (husband) and the aggrieving party (wife) have been involved in a long standing dispute, and whereas we're tired of arguing over this stuff all the time, and whereas if you'd just listen to me you'd see that I'm right, Therefore come the parties together in a post-nuptial agreement, which I expect you to sign and then there's no need for further discussion.

Clause One: Whereas, there is one correct way to arrange the furniture in the living room, and whereas the husband's back is still sore from last weekend when, after moving the chair into the corner for about half an hour, the wife made him carry it back to where it was in the first place, it is now understood by both parties that the furniture is in the correct arrangement. There is no need ever to move it again.

Clause Two: It seems like the husband just got the Christmas decorations put up and now you want them taken down! So the wife should make up her mind. If the house looks pretty with lights on it, why not leave them up for awhile? The same is true for Halloween decorations, and no, I do not think it looks silly to have the scarecrow out there next to Santa Claus. I think it looks festive.

Clause Three: The wife shouldn't tell the husband that she is fat and then get all upset when he suggests ways to lose weight. The husband is just trying to help, for Pete's sake! And for the record, the husband did NOT say you were fat! YOU said you were fat. All I did was fail to disagree forcefully enough!

Clause Four: Whereas the wife already has like thirty-two thousand pairs of shoes, that's enough. The wife should stop buying clothes for which she doesn't have appropriate shoes.

Clause Five: The wife is allowed one "favorite part" of each movie, and that's it. You can't keep saying "This is my favorite part" in the same movie. And stop asking me what my favorite part is, because the answer is "none." I wanted to watch Die Hard again!

Clause Six: Speaking of movies, for every movie with subtitles that the wife wants to see, the husband is allowed one movie in which there are car chases. And any time a man and a woman on the screen stare at each other without speaking for more than a minute because they're in love but can't bear to talk about it for some reason, the husband is allowed to leave the room.

Clause Seven: Whereas, the wife has made abundant and repeated reference to the supposed "proper" position of the toilet seat lid, and whereas there is no such stated position in the owner's manual, and whereas the family dog needs to be able to get water, for crying out loud, the debate about the toilet seat lid is now over and the subject need never be mentioned again, ever.

Clause Eight: The thermostat is not a toy. The wife has lost her thermostat privileges. From now on, the thermostat will be turned up only on days when the husband is cold.

Clause Nine: The wife may not cut her hair and then wait for the husband to notice it and then get mad when he doesn't. And THEN get mad when he doesn't like the hair cut! Doesn't it make sense that if I notice you got your hair cut, I'm not going to like it?

Clause Ten: It is entirely inappropriate to wake someone up to tell him he is snoring. What's he supposed to do about it when he's AWAKE? And there's no concrete evidence that I snore, anyway. I think you faked that tape recording. If you believe I may be snoring, the proper action is to make sure I am entirely comfortable, and then maybe I'll stop. Instead of digging an elbow into my ribs, try fluffing up my pillow.

Therefore, since the wife is locked in the bedroom and refuses to come out and sign this contract, it is deemed automatically in effect, so now there's nothing more to argue about. What's for dinner?

Jackie

****

THE ONTARION REPORT

July 17, 2003

Hello again!

It’s a drizzly day here in KW. Thus, it’s a perfect time to sit and write my Ontarion. Except, I’m at a loss as to what to talk about today. Carole was out for the morning and I did some house cleaning for her. I made the beds and did the vacuuming and dusting. I figure when a guy’s retired, the least he can do is help with the housework. I really don’t mind housework it’s the gardening that I’m not fond of, as you all know. I’ve been watching the grass grow for the past few days. I usually cut it every 3 to 4 days but with the rain being so unpredictable for the past week, the grass is too wet to cut. I think I cut the lawn last Friday. Now it’ll have to wait till the sun comes out and dries it up before I can do it again. The only plus to the rain is that it replenishes the water supply and helps every growing thing come back to life. I do prefer my lawn to be green rather than brown. Carole’s gardens are flourishing with all the wet as well. At least I don’t have to drop the hose in the pond to keep it topped up these days. The rain is looking after that for me quite readily.

We’ve finally found the secret to keeping the pond water clear. I asked an acquaintance of mine what he’s been doing to keep the water in his garden pond clear. He dropped over about 3 weeks ago and brought a bag with him. He reached in and grabbed a handful of brown pellets. Then he sprinkled them on the water in the pond. He said it was “Barley Straw” and it’s been working wonders for him with his pond. He’s been using it for about 4 years now after pumping hundreds of dollars in chemicals into the water to keep it clear. I read the description on the bag and other than an instruction to sprinkle a handful once a week on the water, there wasn’t much of a write up. It did say however that the manufacturer themselves didn’t know why this product keeps pond water clear, just that it does! I watched for the next 2 days, as the water became clearer and clearer. I decided to take a trip to the local garden center to see if they had the same product. I found that they had a 2kg bag of these pellets but they were from a different company than my friends supply. I read the bag and it said that there was a mesh bag inside the package and to take 1 lb of pellets for every 100 gallons of water in your pond and place it in the bag.

Then to place the bag in the flow of the water falls leading to the pond. I didn’t want the bag sitting on the rocks of our falls in plain view so I added a chunk of urethane foam to the contents of the bag. I tested it to make sure it would float just beneath the surface of the water. Then I placed it in the water under the lip of the bottom rock of the falls in the pond. This allowed the water falling off that rock to pass through and around the bag of Barley Straw Pellets. After about a day, the pellets had swollen inside the bag and have been doing an amazing job of keeping the water clear ever since. It’s hard to believe but this really does work! So, Rosemary or anybody else that has a pond, keep this little trick in mind if your water starts to discolour. We are enjoying our pond much more than we did last year. I think we were getting a little discouraged last year when I had to clean the pond out completely every 2 weeks or so just to be able to see through the water. Our fish are thriving and seem to incredibly active since the induction of our Barley bag. I don’t know if they are healthier or are just happy that they can see each other! LOL! Regardless, things are just much better all around with this problem solved.

**********************

I found an interesting site on the Internet the other day. It’s a Region of Waterloo site that allows one to see a satellite view of any building or home in the Region. A friend of mine sent me the address and suggested I check it out. After playing with the site for about 20 minutes, I figured out how to work it. I found the location of my house and also was able to save and print off a copy of the satellite picture of our property as well. It’s definitely a view of one’s home that most people never see. If you would like to check out your own home and live in the Waterloo Region, the site is locator.region.waterloo.on.ca/ .

The sequence of moves that you’ll have to make to open and view your house or any other is as follows:

1/ Double click on “Query” and wait for a map of the Region to appear.

2/ Once the map appears, click on whichever city on the map you wish to check out.

3/ Then click on “Property by Address” under the word “Query”

4/ Enter the house number and street in the space on the left.

5/ Click on the street address that appears in the box on the left. This will open the lot plan map containing your address. Using the tool bar at the bottom of the map, you can click on the magnifying glass that will allow you to zoom in on the lot you wish to see.

6/ Click on the “Zoom In” tool and then move your cursor over the lot on the map. Hold down the left button on the mouse and move the cursor to highlight the area of the lot that you wish to zoom in on. Wait about 10 seconds and a new larger view of your lot will appear.

7/ Once the lot is larger, go back down to the tool bar and click on the “Imagery” button on the right end of the tool bar.

8/ Then click on “2003 Ortho” that you will see in the left column of your screen.

Wait about 30 seconds and a satellite picture of your house will appear in place of the lot map. You can Zoom In on the house by using the tool bar “Zoom In” button after that.

Even if you don’t live in Waterloo Region you can have some fun with this site. All you need to know is the address of a friend or relative that does live here and you can check their place out.

Well, I guess I’d better say good bye for now.

Thanks for tuning in again this week! I’ll talk to you all again soon.

GREG.

PS: Something to Think About>

If the population of China walked past you, it would never end because of their rate of reproduction.

****

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the doug

Never kick a solid object while wearing slippers!