Issue #913
Including:

From Lorne
From Wayne
From Russ
The Ontarion

Hi All,

I don’t know how its going down in other parts of the country but here in BC there are many places that single use plastic can no longer be had. Things like drinking straws, wrappers, cups, and so on. Perhaps the biggest single use item that is been phased out or has been banned from many places is the good old plastic grocery bag. Thats a good thing but its also kind of interesting. Lets think back a few decades, way back to the early 70’s or so when these bags first hit the market and remember the hype that they came with. Don’t remember? Well, let me refresh your memory…..everyone was up in arms about how massive amounts of forests were being cut and ground up in order to make PAPER bags for use in grocery stores and other retail outlets where people bought stuff and then needed a way to carry said stuff. The introduction of the miracle plastic bag was going to save the forests of the world. Forests could then stay standing, filtering the air and putting back oxygen. Problem was, no one foresaw the effect all that plastic would have on the world, and no forest company was interested in leaving any forest left standing. After all, profit is the goal, not air.

So, the forests continued to be cut and the wood used for other things. In the case of the west coast where mills that would have been used to turn all that excess wood into consumer item are and/or have been shut down. They can’t get that wood. Its all being shipped as raw logs over to China where its cut up, ground up, and turned into shoddily-made consumer goods that are sold back to us, wrapped in plastic. So, what was supposed to be a good thing has become a nightmare. But thats nothing new. In fact, thats kind of pare for the course.

A question I’d ask if anyone wanted to listen would be “why isn’t the manufacturing of plastic bags etc stopped at the source”? The lowly consumer who was firstly told plastic bags were good is now being told THEY (the consumer) are bad and must change their ways, pay extra fees and taxes, and so on. Why not simply stop ‘bad’ items from being manufactured in the first place. (Yes, it’s a rhetorical question because it’s all about that profit and who is in who’s pocket). Same with plastic water bottles. When water companies first realized huge profits could be made by filling plastic bottles with almost free water, they began advertising campaigns aimed at convincing the world that if you didn’t have a plastic water bottle in hand at all times you just weren’t part of a young modern world. You weren’t ‘with it’, part of the ‘in’ crowd. Those water companies managed to get almost free access to vast amounts of water from pristine water tables and then sell that water to people who could get the same water out of their taps. Now we are up to our knees in empty bottles and the CEO’s of big companies are getting huge boniness.

But if we all went back to reusable glass cups for our water, we’d overwhelm the waist water systems with soapy dish water. When we go back to paper bags the trees have to come down and be ground into pulp again. And so on and so on. When we all switch to electric vehicles, utility companies will have to build more gas and coal fired electrical plants to meet the demand. No matter where you look, every step forward creates two steps backward. The only solution is a drastic reduction in population numbers but most people would rather see the Earth become exhausted and unlivable before they’d agree to that. So, the whole point of this is that there is no point. Can’t win without addressing the population issue which is un-addressable.

doug

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From Lorne

I'm sure everyone has heard the latest news regarding my condition, so I won't rant on about it. It makes one realize that while we are here, we are only custodian of all we 'own' and everything must be passed on some day to the next generation of caretakers. We leave with the same possessions we arrive with. So we must enjoy what earthly things that are important in our lives until they all become some one else's treasures. In my case, the home I built so long ago, the tractor that I use to blow the snow, mow the lawn and haul the wood, the new car I bought last July that has less than 2100 K on it, all my friends and family, and of course the music that has become a big part of my life for nearly 60 years. Not all can be passed on but simply forgotten.

The shocking news has come our way just to-day and therefore I feel like I have written. However, others are encouraging me to fight on. I shall try.

Lorne

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From Wayne

I’m not one to harp about my health but I must if I am also to narrate the comical side of life and its challenges.

Many of you know that I have bowel cancer because I have sent out two health reports by email to close friends and family. It has already been a long period of treatment, receiving Chemotherapy/radiation daily for six weeks. What lies ahead may be harder and longer. The tricky part will be for me, being 85 years old, to survive the 6 hour long surgery to happen within the next six weeks. However, the doctors are more than satisfied with my current condition and feel that they are willing to take the risk. They didn’t ask me what I thought about it.

There – that’s the morbid stuff!

On the other hand, one can find humour in almost anything and that has helped me greatly. Here are some vignettes that I shared with some of you as well as some new ones.

As everyone knows the nurses and doctors in the Cancer centre are extremely friendly and they, at least appear jovial. They remind me of the stewardesses on Westjet. This lends itself to friendly banter as I get to know the staff by name.
 Here is one conversation that should bring a smile.

In the radiation room, there are skylights that have soothing pastoral pictures of trees, flowers and the blue sky with a whiff of cloud. I noticed one day that the images had changed so I asked if the images were projected from above onto the skylight.
 Nurse: "No, they aren't projected images, they are pictures on a printed film that adheres to the glass."
Me: “But the picture is different today!"
Nurse: "No. you are just in a different room."
Me: "Oh!"
Nurse: "I wish that they showed nudes."
Me: “Nudes?” I'm lying there with my pants pulled down and a handkerchief over what remains of my manhood, meanwhile these pretty young ladies are flitting about nudging my body back and forth to align with the tattoos that were previously placed as targets on my torso and I'm supposed to stare up at nudes and somehow prevent the concealing tissue from levitating!
 Well during the following conversation, I realized that she meant that I should be able to look at the NEWS, not nudes.

As I told the Doctor, my toilet routine has been completely compromised sensing the urge about once an hour including during the night.
A measure of my recovery will be evident when the call of nature slows down and I am no longer up-staged by what the cat leaves in the litter box!


Now I am having further tests – CT-scan, MRI, Bone Density scan and lately a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy. By the way it felt, I think it was a 35mm standard camera complete with an attached “hot-foot” flash unceremoniously inserted where the sun don’t shine.

One of the funniest skits ever made was of Archie Bunker being prepared for surgery by a coloured female nurse. By some coincidence, a friend had emailed me the skit the night before I was penetrated by the flexo-camera. Guess who did the procedure!

Wayne

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From Russ

Dining out (Part 2)

TORONTO: A so-called “High Class” restaurant was where we found a group of young people, laughing, and having a good time. Accompanying them was a husband and wife in their mid-sixties, also laughing-it-up! It must have been some ‘special occasion’; they were there for brunch, and yes, all were sober.

After a longer than necessary wait, a man in ‘butler attire’ sporting a long face and carrying a bundle of menus approached and began ‘dealing’ the said very large menus, one to a customer; then without a word, turned and walked away; never to be seen again for a full 28 minutes!

By the time he came back to take their orders – they were extra hungry, angry, impatient, ravished, and more ‘giddy’!

“Skip the menu!”, somebody hollered, “We’re all having your ‘Breakfast Special” ; if the ‘cold-as-a dead fish’ waiter would approve.

“hmph” he grunted, and without actually saying anything, whipped-out his pad; his dark, stern eyes meeting each one in turn they began:

“Two eggs over easy, toast and black coffee”

“Three eggs twice over, bacon, toast and black coffee”

“One egg sunny-side-up, toast and coffee, double-double”

“Three eggs scrambled, toast and coffee cream only”

“Two eggs soft-boiled, toast and coffee sugar only”

“Two eggs oval, toast - burnt and coffee black”. The group snickered at “eggs oval”; the ‘snobbish’ waiter saw nothing humorous, walked away, and again the famished were forced to wait ‘longer-than-necessary” for their meal. Then a cheer went up as the waiter finally arrived pushing a serving cart loaded with two or three pitchers of coffee and six nicely-prepared china plates tenderly caressing the egg-type breakfasts. In the sequence he’d received them, the waiter placed a plate in front of each starving patron saying;

“eggs easy”

“eggs three - over twice”

“eggs sunny-side-up”

“eggs scrambled”

“eggs soft-boiled”

“eggs oval” – and without ‘batting-an-eye’, departed.

A married couple in their late 50’s enter a ‘colder-than-necessary’, smart-looking restaurant in Missassauga, Ontario. It is a hot, sticky Summer night, and they had been motoring all day from Tenn. US wearing shorts and T-shirts. The AC and fake candle lights are too low – unable to see much in the near-darkness; she begins to shiver;

“Hon, will you please go to the car and bring my light jacket?”

“Yeah, sure – I’ll get my jacket while I’m at it”, says he. Returning, he notices she’s covered her beautiful, bare legs with part of the extra-long, white table cloth.

“You that cold?” Later, she notices he’s covered his bare, boney legs with the table cloth as well. Says nothing. The snobby waiter finally notices them (although the place is nearly empty), and comes over to their table placing two large menus down and askes,

“And what are we having to drink? We have an excellent ‘house-wine’, blah, blah, blah - - - “. Husband looks at wife and, knowing her non-verbal communication signals, replies;

“Yes, we’ll have a half-bottle of your house wine”. The wine comes quickly.

“Are you ready to order? May I refill your glasses?

“No – we’re fine for wine, thank you, and could you give us a little longer before we order? I had to go out to my car for our jackets because it’s so cold in here, and a flashlight in order to read your menu” says the man sarcastically. They place their order, then after too-long a wait the food arrives, it’s almost as cold as the dining room/waiter/wife!

“Why’d ya have to pick this place?” askes she angrily. The waiter returns when they’re only half-way through their meal;

“How is everything? Can I refill your wine?”

“NO THANKYOU” is the reply – and in unison “We’ll be leaving shortly – could you please have our bill ready?”

“No problem – Sir”. But it must have been a problem as he never came back for nearly 20 minutes! She’d timed him. Let’s say the bill came to $80, he placed two $50 bills on the little ‘pay-tray’, along with the establishment’s copy of their bill.

“That ^*#(* meal cost us nearly $80 !?” questions the wife “It wasn’t worth it!! “

They waited and waited, and waited some more, but the waiter never returned with their change! Finally, the irate husband stormed up to the desk, and with wee wife, kind of embarrassed, right behind him – trying to calm him down, she pleads,

“Don’t make a scene, dear!”

“It’s OK, I got this!” was his angry reply. “I think you ow us some change” says the husband to the fat man behind the cash register. Fat man (owner) askes to see their copy of the bill;

“Your two meals plus wine plus tax came to $79.50 – you left two $50’s ($100) on the plate, right?”

“Right” replies the husband, impatiently.

“So, I don’t understand why you think we ow you some change” says fatso. “$100 - $80 = $20 right?” argues the husband.

“Yes, but our waiter merely ‘kept’ what was his ‘tip’”, argues fatso.

“Come on – it’s not worth arguing about!” pleads wee wifee, pulling on her husband’s jacket. By this time the waiter approaches, looking dangerous and threatening. (Could this be some criminal money-laundering outfit? There are plenty of them in TO). Trying to be brave, the husband, using his ‘cop-like’ commanding voice says;

I’ll decide how much your tip, if any, should be – you don’t simply keep my $20 change!! Now, give me back my $20 !! With this, fat man opens the cash drawer and pulls out some paper money and a big handful of ‘chicken feed’ – penny’s, nickels, and dimes, and begrudgingly hands our husband

One $10 bill, one $5 bill, and one $2 bill (yes, there were $2 bills back then), and $3 in small change (just to make it awkward and to taunt the patron into looking/feeling like a cheapskate) Our ‘hero’ accepts the money then throws the coins onto the floor, and announces,

“There’s your tip!!”, and walks out with his embarrassed wee wife.

Six of the stories above are true, and they happened to my wife and I as we travelled along life’s paths together during our 57 years of ‘mostly’ happy marriage.

Uncle Russ.

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THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone!

What a week I’ve had this past week! First off I had to go into St Mary’s Hospital to have a biopsy done on my scalp to see what the “cancer” on the very top of my head is all about. I’ll get the answer in about three weeks when I go to the Dr for a follow up on that challenge. Then, on Thursday I had to be back in St Mary’s for a consult with the Heart Clinic there to check on the progress of my heart surgery. They wanted to see what the change in my ecg was all about and as it turned out the Dr decided it was time to change the amount of medication of two types I’ve been on for two years. He’s reduced the size of one of my meds and the frequency of another. Of course he said it’s only a trial and if it doesn’t produce the results he wants then I’m to revert back to the original dose and frequency. I wish they’d just leave things alone when they’re working so well! Oh well, I’m not the Doctor am I!

So after almost three hours of their poking and prodding I was out of there and on to the next appointment at my Ophthalmologists for my long awaited eye surgery. I’ve been waiting for almost a year and after three appointments with this guy, I finally got in to have the surgery done the same afternoon that I had the heart checkup. It was a busy day for sure on Thursday. I was in his waiting room at 2:45 for my 3pm appointment and sat there for an hour until I finally got called in to his assistant’s room for an eye checkup. I was lucky that I had taken my new (three days old) distance glasses with me. She checked my eyesight and was surprised at how well I can see with my new glasses. I said “Well, that’s what they’re for!” LOL! I then sat out in the waiting room for over another hour before the Doctor finally showed up to call me in for the surgery. While I was waiting, the dozen or more of his employees that help him run the place were passing me in their coats and heading for home. The lights in his rather large waiting room (60 people it holds) and most times it’s full of people, were being turned off for the day. I actually was sitting in the dark for the last half hour until the Dr showed up! I thought I was going to have to spend the night! LOL! Poor Carole had been sitting out in the car in the rain all this time! As it turned out, I was the last patient of the day on this guy’s busy schedule. I wonder what he’d do if I was to send him a bill for my time that he’s wasted, making me sit there for almost three hours waiting for him? Oh well, anyway, he finally sat me at his “machine gun” and after 110 laser shots in my right eye, he was done for the day and so was I! After the drops of three different strengths in the eye and all of his laser work, I was free to go! I said, “I would gladly leave Doc if only I could see the way out!” He just laughed and said; “Just wait two minutes and it’ll clear up enough!” Then he said it would take three hours or so before it was completely clear to see again. Well it actually took over 5 hours before the eye was clear again. What an experience! The unfortunate part of it is I have to go back in January to have the same thing done again to complete the repair. The surgery is being done to stop the growth of new blood vessels that are starting to blur my vision in that eye. The vision will never be clear but the surgery will stop the progression of the blurriness! With my new distance glasses, the vision is clearer and I can see clearly with them on. What a change from everything being fuzzy that is anywhere from 10 feet to infinity away! The glasses have made a huge difference in what I can see now. Before like I say, anything more than 10 feet away from me was just fuzzy! It’s quite a relief to be able to see road signs well before I come upon them while driving! I guess I can now remove the white cane from the front bumper of the Jeep! LOL!

Well, that in a nutshell was my week and I’m looking forward to a quiet week ahead!

*

I’ve noticed that a lot of people have their Christmas decorations up and out! It’ starting to look a lot like Christmas everywhere I go! La la la la la ….. Ha ha ha or should I say, “Ho ho ho! “ Kind of makes a nice change to the atmosphere of the city when this happens each year. There are even people that already have their Christmas trees up and shining in their living room windows, as Carole had pointed out. I guess today is a day we’ll be getting our Christmas décor finished and shining brightly! It’s a nice and should be a happy time of the year!

Do you know what you want from Santa this year? I’ve given it some thought but am still sitting with a blank list in front of me. I guess when you get old like me; you pretty much have everything a person could want. I’m sure I’ll come up with an idea or two soon enough that I can hand the list to Mrs. Santa. If not, she usually surprises me with something useful and new! Whatever it is, I’ll undoubtedly be happy with my present or presents as usual! I saw on the news last night that the Salvation Army is now collecting at storefronts with portable debit machines. What a great idea! I hope this encourages people to give more to local charities and to stop sending their hard earned dollars out of the country to “poor nations” when they could do so much good right here in Canada.

That’s about it for me for this week folks! I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next time in The Ontarion Report!

Bye for now … Greg

PS: Something To Think About>
Try to be nice to everyone around you for the next month and you’ll see how good it makes you feel!