The Squamidian Report – Feb. 9 / 19
Including:
From Russ
From Lorne
The Ontarion
Hi All,
The west coast got hit by its first cold-snap of the winter. An Arctic
Outflow system set up over the Interior and that lead to blasting icy
winds, temperatures down to -12 or so at night with windchills below
-20. We’re not used to that. It started with a few inches of dry snow,
the kind that blows around. Not used to that either. I actually used my
snow blower for the first time since the Christmas week. Roads became
icy, the wind knocked power lines down and so on. 80 k winds with gusts
up over 100 will do that. Another thing icy winds like that will do is
freeze the sugar water in our humming bird feeders. I spent Sunday and
Monday trying to keep unfrozen feeders available to the little birds. I
had to keep rotating the feeders, bringing in the freezing ones and
setting out warmed ones. It would take well under than an hour to turn
the sugar water to slush and then into a solid chunk.
The little hummers are dependent on our feeders. They are stuck here
and we are pretty well obligated to keep the feeders out there for
them. As the winds howled, one or two of the three hanging around would
be perched on a feeder, puffed up in an attempt to keep warm, drinking
as much as they could. There is a real frenzy just as its getting dark
as they stock up for the night, then a frenzy again at first light. Its
imperative that we have the feeders out and ready for them at first
light as they are on their last bits of energy and must find the feeder
and sugar water on the first try. They could not make it much further
if they had to go hunting for another source.
Sunday night, after dark, I brought the feeders in again so they would
be ready for the next morning. The winds howled all night, almost
shaking the house. I didn’t want to put the feeders out too soon as
they would start to freeze immediately so as soon as the sky started to
show some light I headed for the door, feeder in hand. The door was
frozen shut, wouldn’t open. The wind had driven the light dry snow into
the spaces under the door where the snow melted, then froze. We put a
feeder out above the front balcony and one out on the back deck. Both
doors were frozen and we needed to get the feeders out before the birds
came, assuming they survived the night. It took heating the bottom of
both the front and deck doors with a hair dryer to get them to open.
Within a few minutes of hanging out the feeders, one of the hummers was
there, cold and hungry. Within a few minutes, both doors were frozen
again. It took several heat treatments and wiping away the melted ice
before they no longer froze shut.
The cold arctic blast lasted several days and nights and so did the rotating of the feeders.
By the way, at this point we don’t know if all three hummers made it
through those nights or not. One is definitely missing and we’re not
sure about the second one. It does make me wonder if we helped them by
keeping feeders out all winter or if it would have been better if they
had been forced to leave in the fall when local food ran out. Hard to
answer that.
One other effect the bitter cold dry air has on all the other local
birds….they no longer have access to water. Its all frozen. The birds
get thirsty. We keep water out for them and the water keeps freezing.
Often, when I put out a fresh bowl, the jays and other seed eating
birds will mob the bowl as they fight for first dibs. Like I said, when
they can’t get water, they get thirsty, just like we would.
The winds forced the gondola to stay closed for several days. The winds
took out the power to the whole of our down town as well as other parts
of the area. The winds blew a dozen boats that were moored at the Lions
Bay marina onto the rocks, wrecking them. (West Coast boater are able
to keep their boats in the water and use them all year round). Lots of
people woke to frozen water pipes. Lots of crashes on the highway as
the light dry snow turned to black ice from being force melted by road
salt and then re-frozen as it was spread out by car tires.
We went to go out on Monday morning only to find that our garage doors
were also frozen shut. The driving snow had blown in under them, melted
into water on the relatively warm concrete floor just inside, ran back
under the old rubber strips along the bottom of the doors, and
re-froze. It took some prying to break them loose. I know our -22
nights and -10 degree windchill days are nothing compared to what most
of the east had been enduring but for the west coast, its been a
challenge.
doug
****
From Russ
The kleptomaniac
She was about 45, smartly dressed, petite, shy, sad, but with pretty,
deep-set, green eyes that showed no ‘real focus’. She looked like she
needed 18 hours of uninterrupted sleep. She was childless, trapped in
an unhappy marriage. She was also a thief. I pitied her some; even felt
like putting a ‘supporting arm’ around her, but that wouldn’t be
‘cop-like’. Why was she ‘shoplifting’ at a ‘dime store’? She
certainly didn’t need the tacky trinkets and stuff she stole.. .they
didn’t reflect her ‘high class’.
As my ‘prisoner’, I placed her in the back seat, while the store
detective/manager rode up front with me in the City of Kitchener Police
Cruiser. Not a word was spoken. At the Station she was ‘processed’ in
the usual manner, removing her valuables, and counting her money;
$42.38, certainly enough to pay for the junk she ‘hooked’. All her
valuables were put into an envelope, sealed in her presence, and locked
in a metal cabinet in the interrogation room. Contrary to Rules, I
refrained from asking her to remove anything with which she could hang
herself, i.e. scarf, belt, laces, etc. as I didn’t want to cause her
further embarrassment, besides, she was not depressed, only ‘out-of-it’.
The store manager laid the charge of ‘Theft under $50 contrary to the Criminal Code’.
For some time, this same woman was caught shoplifting in a local dime
store; police were called to the scene, she was driven to the station,
charges laid, but she never seemed to appear in court!
What’s going on?
We’ve all heard of “diplomatic immunity”, but how about “kleptomatic immunity”?
A ‘kleptomaniac’ is defined as “A person who has uncontrollable impulses to steal.
Kleptomania is characterized by recurrent episodes of stealing.
Stealing commonly occurs in the form of shoplifting. The items involved
are usually of trivial value and are not needed by the individual”.
“kleptomania” is considered a “mental disorder” in many jurisdictions.
We all have uncontrollable impulses. Let’s be honest now; I confessed
earlier, mine is for chocolate; I smell it/see it I HAVE to have it!
And I can’t stop eating it until it’s ALL GONE! (I could name other
‘chocoholics’)
Temptations are all around us, and have been since the Garden of Eden and the ‘forbidden fruit’.
The ‘alcoholic’ is tempted to have ‘just one drink’ but, that one is “one too many, and a thousand’s not enough”.
The ‘smoker’ who is ‘hooked on nicotine’, and is trying to quit, merely
has to see/smell cigarette smoke and he/she HAS to have another and
another, and another, and......another.
Other uncontrollable impulses include;
gambling (me),
hoarding,
bitching/complaining,
having that ‘last word’ in any argument,
that ‘first’ morning coffee.
Courts have recognized certain mental functions can result in a finding
of “Diminished Responsibility”, thus reduced liability, and lesser/no
punishment. Does a kleptomaniac have this defense if it is shown
his/her act was one of “irresistible impulse”?
I hope not! Think of how it would “open the floodgates”; every thief
would plead “irresistible impulse”, and even if not entitled, would
‘bog-down the “System”.
Well, the shy little lady shoplifter, whose cases were never heard in
court must have been seen as having irresistible impulses to
shoplifting!
Or was it because she was the wife of a Member of The Judiciary? In any
event, she continued in her role and police were quietly advised to
“Just take her home, or to the Judge’s Chambers.
His Honour would be responsible for her conduct, and pay for anything/everything she stole”.
So Mote it Be
Your old Uncle Russ.
****
From Lorne
Crazy winter. But I have a different tale to tell. While sitting
quietly having my lunch the silence was suddenly broken with a loud
crunch and crack. We were having an ice storm but that was not a
falling tree limb but my teeth crashing down on something that should
not be lurking in a 'Dad's Oatmeal Cookie'. Knowing there was bits of
stuff in my mouth that are not particular nourishing, I sped to the
bathroom sink to find 2 pieces of tooth but whatever did the damage was
not showing it's ugly head. Now before anyone feels the need of a pain
killer, don't take it as I felt no pain. I called not the dentist, but
the cookie company using the phone # printed on the package.
Persisting through the usual recorded instructions and the elevator
music, and pressing 1 for English, a live, English speaking, but
not Caucasian person, came on the line and asked how she can help
me. 'Are you a dentist? 'No you have the wrong number'. I quickly
explained I will make that call but chose you 1st because of what I
found baked in your cookies. Or it found me. After my explanation, she
asked if I have the object that I claim broke my tooth ? No, it
all went down the drain. 'Without that we can do nothing to help you,
but if you give me your name and address, we will happily mail
you a certificate that can redeemed for a new package of 'Dad's'
at the grocery store of your choice. Oh boy, my lucky day. I felt like
saying, 'UP YOUR A----. but I didn't.
Lorne
****
THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello everyone!
We had a couple of dandy rain and ice storms over the past week and
it’s taking a couple of days to recover from this most recent ice one.
The city is threatening to fine anyone that doesn’t scrape their
sidewalks right down to the bare concrete. I guess if you get at the
clearing when the storms are just finishing dumping on us you’ll stand
a chance of meeting the city’s requirements. If you leave the clearing
for a day after it seems to freeze solid enough that it’s very
difficult to get right down to the cement. Most people are now managing
to meet the demands but there are still quite a few that are struggling
to clear their walkways. Oh well, there’s always the commercial bags of
salt and ice melt chemicals that can be used to do the job. They said
on the news tonight that even the “ice melt” type of product turns to
salt once the ice has melted. This means that people that think they
are doing something environmentally sound are wrong and are
contributing to the pollution of our waterways and supplies without
realizing it! If you ask me, chopping and scraping are the only
sensible way to get rid of the ice that forms on the walkways of our
cities.
I’m sorry but I’m afraid this is about all I have on my mind this week
so hopefully I’ll be back to my usual talkative self next week at this
time.
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next time in The Ontarion Report.
Bye for now … Greg
PS: Something To Think About>
Spring: The time of year when both farmers and golfers start their Spring plowing!
****
Have a good one..
the doug
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