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The Squamidian Report – Dec. 22 / 18
The Christmas Addition Issue #865 Including: From Sus From Lauren From Lorne From Russ The Zellers From Carol & Al The Ontarion Hi All, Its rather interesting how that last of the great musicals, ‘The Sound Of Music’ has become a Christmas classic. There is absolutely nothing in it that has anything at all to do with Christmas with the exception of one line of lyrics in one song, that line being “brown paper packages tied up with string”. Somehow that bound package has type cast the movie into a Christmas role. Thats ok because at least it means the movie, and face it, one of the best, does get exposed to viewers every year. It was on TV the other night and will probably be on again a few times over the next week. A down-side to it being on TV is the tendency of TV production to cut up movies in order to make room for commercials and to shorten movies in order to make even more room for commercials while still fitting into the allotted time slot. One year, many years ago, some editor had chopped up ‘The Sound Of Music’ so badly that the parts hadn’t been put back together in the right order. It made for a very strange viewing experience for anyone relatively familiar with it, and unfollowable for anyone not. I will always remember the first time I saw the movie. I was in my late teens, was pretty scruffy looking and my only transportation was a motorcycle. My parents and their friends Dolly and Ed, had just come back from seeing it at the Fairview Theatre in what at that time was the Sears Plaza on Fairway Rd. The theatre was ‘high end’ and liked to cater to a higher, cleaner and better dressed class of patrons than did the run down, down town theaters. My mother told me about the show and suggested I go see it as I’d probably like it very much. So, I did. The next Saturday evening I rode over to the theatre on my motorcycle. It was winter and quite cold so of course I was bundled up in leather etc. I walked in, purchased a ticket and found a nice seat with a good view of the screen. At that point I noticed that each seat around me remained empty, and that all the other patrons were in suits and gowns and basically all dressed up. Even with the theatre packed, a ring of vacant seats separated me, a scruffy leather clad biker from the well healed. I’m still surprised I was not asked to leave based on my looks alone. I did like not having to look over or around someone’s head and I very much enjoyed the movie, which I went back a few weeks later to see again, with the same results, seating-wise. Over the years I’ve seen it many times over, and each time that memory still comes back to me. Its by no means a bad memory, rather an amused one. That movie seems to have marked the end of ‘good’ shows and the end of when going out to see a show was something special. Unfortunately, things have changed and not for the better. And sadly, that theatre disappeared decades ago. Oh, remember that wind storm we were supposed to have a week ago, the one that didn't happen? Well, it happened this Thursday and wow, it was a doozy. Have a great Christmas.
doug **** From Sus Winter sure came early this year. Since November 15th its been snowing, the first one came with a vengeance and no one was ready. At least a foot of snow fell and heavy too which caused our first power outage of the season. The snow blower couldn't handle the heavy snow so it all had to be plowed and pushed out of the way making high banks. And now we have 3 feet at least. Its all very pretty and most people have their Christmas lights on making it a winter wonderland. Yesterday we decided to dig in our garden to find our horseradish plants. We made quite a hole in the snow and were delighted to find the ground was not frozen so we could get to the roots. We dug a good amount, took them home, peeled them, chopped them in the blender with some salt and vinegar and with a bit of eyes watering we made 3 jars of darn good horseradish sauce. This year we left our carrots in the ground in the garden to store them. We covered them with straw and bags of leaves so they wouldn't freeze and it seems to be working out well. Its a bit of work digging down to get to them but we make it worth our while by getting a basket full at a time. We have a room in our house that is a cold storage for all our onions, garlic, beets, squash, potatoes etc. also apple ciders. Its great to have all this food we have grown to last us through the winter. Our chickens are doing well too. We have 11 laying hens and usually get about 9 eggs a day. They are beautiful birds and are like pets. At this time we give lots of eggs away but in the future may start selling them. The eggs are so fresh and the yolks are so yellow that if you are making a key lime pie its yellow and not so green in colour. I am so enjoying my chickens. We made a very safe pen and coop for them. We only had one predator attempt to get our chickens and that was a Goshawk. We heard a crash one day coming from the pen and went running to see what happened. The hawk had not seen the wire mesh and flew so fast into it that it broke its neck. We felt very sad for the hawk but happy that we didn't lose a chicken. The bird was huge and could have easily carried one off if our chickens had been loose. Otherwise no other intruders. I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and thank Doug, Greg, Russell, Lorne and everyone of the contributors for sending in their stories. It wouldn't be Saturday without the Squamidian! Sus
**** From Lauren I still find Christmas to be quite magical in Canada, especially when it snows. Actually, every time it snows, I am in awe, because growing up in South Africa (where I lived until the age of 25), I experienced snow a whopping ONCE in my entire lifetime! I was 5 years old & could not fathom what all this white stuff was, nor where it was coming from! Every single photograph of my brother & I playing in the snow, I was looking upwards towards the sky… trying to figure it out! We actually had quite a dump of snow that day, it was a very rare occurrence, being that it was September in South Africa, which is spring (we have the opposite of Canada’s seasons), so I guess winter hadn’t quite shaken her tail yet, & we got SNOW, probably quite a few feet at least (enough to build a snowman & throw snowballs)! I guess it must have been in the forecast for that day, but we were already at school when it started, & just before the bell rang for lunchbreak, I remember my teacher specifically telling us not to go out into the snow, but just to go to buy our lunch & come right back (my mom used to volunteer at was called the “tuck shop” where kids went at lunch break & could buy sandwiches, drinks etc.). So off I & another class friend of mine went to buy our lunches, & when we got there, my mom (who had brought her camera with), wanted to take pictures of us in the snow, so we obviously obliged! However, when we got back to our classroom, we both had snowflakes in our hair (my friend had short, dark & curly hair, so the snow really stuck to hers), needless to say, even though I had a reasonable explanation as to why we went into the forbidden snow, we still got into trouble! Not too long after lunchbreak was over, the school dismissed everyone early, because nobody was properly dressed or prepared for driving in it, so the rest of the day, was spent at home playing in the snow…it was so much fun! It has snowed again since that time obviously, but nothing compared to that particular day, & although I haven’t been there to experience it, when I see pictures posted on Facebook by my friends & family who still live there, I laugh to myself, because what they think is snow, is barely a light dusting compared to Canada! Now maybe they have just forgotten about that one, very rare dump of snow all those years ago, but I am sure they haven’t experienced another one quite like it since then! Now I digressed, so let me get back to my original train of thought. The reason I find Christmas to be so magical in Canada is because it is the stuff movies are made of! Back in South Africa, because our seasons were opposite to yours, Christmas is in the very hot summer time!!! And because of that, all South Africans take there summer vacations in December & flock to the beach towns! Although we did have “Father Christmas” instead of “Santa Claus” like in Canada, the whole vibe was just way less exciting than it is here, mostly because we were probably lying on a beach or swimming in the ocean (nothing wrong with that, but it would have been nice to have a cold, white Christmas). I have been living in Canada for almost 20 years now, so I have experienced enough real white Christmas’s & everything that goes with it, but I am starting to get itchy feet to go back to South Africa for a hot, lying on the beach kind of Christmas again one day… Merry Christmas everyone!
Lauren **** From Lorne Russel mentioned the weekly bathing of us kids and suggested that I never actually took part in the ritual. Well, I did ! I, being the oldest was the last to bath. They, our parents may have thought the little ones aren't that dirty so they go in first. By the time it got around to me, however, it was no longer water but more like luke warm oatmeal porrage. In summer always the back yard. In winter? Lets wait for milder weather. By the time I got married I sort of looked after myself. I don't know how long the younger ones hung in there. I hope that clarifies the bathing in a galvanized tub of those early years. Oh ya ! the soap was a bar of P & G. Speaking of bathing or lack of, we noticed a huge pile of garbage along side the road on the bush side opposite Grand View Baptist Church. It looked as though a garbage truck had dumped it's load then drove away. Turns out there were homeless people camping in the peat swamp and as the trees became defoliated as trees do in the fall, the bare truth was obvious. I presume city workers gathered the junk, piled it high at the roadside then with front end loader on to waiting dump trucks. Lorne
**** From Russ Draconian laws Just thought I’d deviate from my usual stories to say a few words about harsh laws of the past. What tweaked my idea was the announcement that an old, never used criminal law was to be removed from the Canadian Criminal Code, almost immediately. It seems a woman from some Western Province was charged with “Practicing Witchcraft”. Section 365 reads in part; Everyone who fraudulently pretends to use any kind of Witchcraft is guilty of an offence. (penalty max 6months prison) She said, “I’m not a witch, I’m a clairvoyant” The police got it ‘just under the wire’, as this is the last time anyone can be charged with this crime in Canada. Great. Other crimes that have ‘gone the way of button shoes’ are; The use of the “strap’ as part of the punishment for ‘bad prisoners’, and the use of the ‘lash’ for those found guilty of ‘rape’. The strap sounds innocent enough, but let’s see what this instrument was like, and how it was administered. Picture a “paddle”. It had a ‘two-hand-held grip’, (for ‘extra leverage), and a thick, leather strap, 2 and 1-half inches wide, perforated with ‘air holes’ (less wind resistance, so the strap could travel faster), and the strap was administered by the biggest/strongest “screw” in the prison. It gets worse. The poor inmate was secured to a frame which forced him to bend forward, while they stripped him, exposing his bare buttocks. This punishment was viewed by all the other male inmates, in order to deter them from ‘causing trouble in the prison’. The crime of “Rape” has been removed from the Criminal Code along with it’s earlier ‘punishment’, the “Cat o’ Nine Tails”. This ‘instrument of torture’ was defined in the Code as; a lash containing 9 long leather thongs, with sharp metal pieces secured to each of the nine thongs. The only purpose of these metal, infused ‘tails’, was to inflict maximum pain and injury to the convict. It also had a long handle for greater effectiveness. The sentence of the court spelled out how many strokes were to be administered, when, and why. A favourite ‘number’ was usually 12; four at the beginning of his sentence, four in the middle, and four near the end, but not too near, as it took time for the rips and tears on the convict’s back to heal. Why did they ‘spread them out across his total sentence? Two main reasons; so the man wouldn’t forget WHY he was being so severely punished, and so he wouldn’t soon forget once he was free. But maybe because 12 strokes all at once would kill him? The crime of “Rape” has been replaced by “Sexual Assaults” at various levels of “harm done”. (and no torture as punishment) History tells us that “Severity of Punishment” does NOT deter”. The purpose of the jail sentence is to “punish” or to “rehabilitate”. Can it do both at the same time? Does severe punishment ‘change behaviour’? The answer to the first question is NO. The answer to the second question is ‘yes’, but only for the WORSE! I’ve spoken with ‘ex cons’, and they tell me that the strap used on the bare buttocks of an inmate, done before the whole prison population, changes the man so badly that “He is beyond rehabilitation for life!”. We now have another “hardened criminal” on our hands. On a lighter note; let me tell you about another law in the C.C.C. Correction of Child by Force. Section 43 reads in part; Every parent is justified in using force by way of correction to said child, as long as the force does not exceed what is reasonable under the circumstances. My son, Greg when he was about 12, got into some fairly serious trouble which we decided warranted physical punishment, like the strap. We didn’t own a strap, so I instructed Greg to “find a switch suitable for me to use on his bottom”. I had explained the law as to “punishment by way of correction”(naturally, because I was a cop), and I wanted to make it clear to him that I was not doing it because ‘I was mad at him’. “Now, you know why I’m punishing you” I said in a calm, serious tone. “Yeah, because your mean and bigger than me!” Holding back laughter, I sent him on a hunt for the ‘instrument’ of his choice that would reflect the degree of his ‘badness”. He was scrounging around in the basement for some time, when he finally appeared holding a ‘hammer handle’. “OK, over my knee”, I said. He was very obedient, bent over my knees, while I’m sitting on a stool. I look at him, a lanky young kid, his hands on the floor, his knees on the floor, and his skinny body forming a ‘bridge’ over my knees. “I can’t hit you with this” I said, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. We ended up hugging each other. Your old Uncle Russ.
**** Wishing ALL a Merry Christmas from DOWN UNDER and happy New Year.. The Zellers   **** From Al Greg’s column awhile ago reminded me of the tobogganing we did as children growing up in Wiarton. There were 2 hills in town that were popular for this activity. One was directly across the street from where I lived behind the United Church, However it was very steep and a short run. The favorite hill was Greenly’s (may-be the name of the property owner) which ran down towards the hospital. At times there could be a hundred children sliding down this hill on everything imaginable One very frigid evening 2 of my friends came to the door to recruit me for a trip to Greenly’s. My grand-mother stated that it was a very cold night and maybe I would be better off staying in. Kids will be kids and I decided to join my friends anyways. When we arrived at the hill we discovered we were the only ones intelligent enough to be there. Great, we had it all to ourselves! At the bottom of this long, wide hill was a large hump which came to be known as “the royal bump”. The thrill was to hit this bump and become airborne. My grandfather had just waxed the bottom of my toboggan and this made it very swift indeed. Off I went hurtling down the hill at breakneck speed and hit “the bump” dead on. Next thing I knew I was on my knees about 20 feet past the bump and my toboggan nowhere in sight. Right on my tail came my fiend Jim Miller and WHACK! Now I’m lying on my back with something warm and wet on the side of my face. Yikes! We got back to the top of the hill and they stated that I was bleeding “pretty good” from a cut over my left eye which they could see from the street-light. They were very sympathetic and offered me a used Kleenex but decided to continue sliding down the hill. So I headed home and knew this was not going to go over too well. Gran was very upset ( I told you so) and hauled me over to Dr. Leeson for my first “stitches”. A lesson learned the hard way with many more to come. Al
From Carol Hi Everyone, First I want to say happy 70th to Doug. It feels like only a short time since we celebrated Mom’s 70th and retirement at Doug & Sue’s home on Hidden Valley Rd. Not sure where the years went. Last week uncle Russ mentioned telling a lie about seeing Santa one Christmas when their gifts were left in a tub in the kitchen. When we were young Santa would knock on the front door of our little cottage on Christmas Eve and when we rushed to the door our Christmas gifts would be there in a bushel basket. Of course there was always a few fake knocks by my Dad before the real knock came from outside. I only ever remember that front door being opened at Christmas and it seemed to take Dad forever to open and when we looked out Santa would not be there, just the presents. One year I was first to the door and had it open quickly. Glancing to the left I just caught sight of an arm and leg heading around back. By the time I had put on my boots and rushed out the back door Santa was gone but my grandfather (who lived across the road) was on the driveway. H turned and pointed to the hill and told me I had just missed seeing a strange flying sleigh disappear over that hill. It was a few years before I realized that I must have seen Grandpa’s arm & leg going around the house. We still knock a couple of times on Christmas Eve when we gather at the Homestead but only our generation appreciates the significance. This year I am totally not prepared for Christmas and the New Year. I had surgery in November and though the incisions are healing nicely I just do not have my usual energy. I have graduated from fluids to soft food but won’t be able to have fiber, berries, a number vegetables, breads, nuts etc. until cleared by the surgeon in January. Actually pureed food is not as disgusting as I thought it would be and this year I won’t gain weight because of all those delicious meals and treats. The most important part of Christmas is sharing time with my wonderful family and that I can do. Wishing each one of you a safe and happy Christmas season. May your Christmas be everything you wish it to be. Carol
**** THE ONTARION REPORT Hello everyone! Well, Christmas Christmas time is near, time for love and time for cheer! Christmas Christmas time is great, please Christmas don’t be late! I’m sure you all remember the Chipmunks Simon and Theodore? If not, you’re not old as dirt like me! LOL! I’m sure if you younger folks Google “The Chipmunks” you’ll soon find out how cute and funny they were back in the 50’s and 60’s. They even had their own Christmas album on vinyl! Now don’t tell me that you don’t know what vinyl is or was? That’s what we used to call “records” back in the day! Heck, I still have a collection of a couple of hundred “record albums” and they still sound great! I even received a new “Record Player” a few years back from Mrs. Santa. I’ve only played a few of my albums on it but when I do they sound amazing when compared to the modern “Electronic” devices! Of course it’s a little difficult to listen to Records when I’m walking on my treadmill, I have to keep jumping off the mill every time the record needs to be changed! LOL! Oh what fun it is to look back and listen to the sounds of yesteryear! If you younger folk want a real kick, try listening to some of your parent’s old vinyl records sometime and you’ll hear the difference in the quality of sound. I’m sure you’ll be won over by the experience! *
Speaking
of experience, there’s nothing like a good old fashioned Christmas
complete with Santa and his reindeer speeding around the world story to
brighten up the season. If you don’t believe in Santa you’re missing
something really special indeed. I still believe that there really is a
Santa Clause! After all, a mythical figure like Santa can’t help but
brighten your spirits! All the stories that abound this time of year
give us something to smile about and look forward to. Whether or not
you believe, it wouldn’t hurt to get off your politically correct
horses for a few days and nights and play along with the rest of the
world full of believers if only for the sake of the kids of the world!
What the heck, I’d be willing to bet that even uncle Russ at his young
age still has a twinkle in his eye when he thinks of Santa and
Christmas! I know that it makes me feel good just to hearken back to
the times of my childhood when my brother and sister and I used to
sleep at the foot of the Christmas tree to see if we could catch Santa
in the act of setting a bundle of gifts around the tree on Christmas
Eve! As it happened, we’d get our comforters and pillows all set around
the tree in the living room of our house and then we’d get into our
jammies nice and early and get all tucked in waiting for Old Saint Nick
to appear! As luck would have it we’d never be able to stay awake long
enough catch him in the act. Invariably we’d wake in the morning to
find ourselves surrounded by beautifully wrapped gifts. The milk and
cookies we’d put out on a plate for Santa would be gone and there’d be
nothing but crumbs on the plate left as evidence that he’d been here
and gone in a flash! I always wondered how he managed to enter our
house through the chimney when it was hooked directly to the oil burner
in the basement! I never did get a straight answer out of mum and dad
to that question! Oh well, all those questions were soon forgotten once
the big day was over with. Even though my dad and mum combined
didn’t make much money over the years they always managed to make sure
that most of our Christmas list items came to fruition! Very seldom did
we go through a Christmas and find that Santa missed leaving what was
on our Christmas Letters to him at the North Pole. We would always
discuss our thoughts with mum and dad but could never figure out how
Santa could possibly know what we wanted for Christmas when all we did
was leave our requests on a note at the foot of the tree so late on
Christmas Eve! The answer was always the same, “Santa was Magic!” and
so were the elves that helped him cover the world each year at this
time! These stories and thoughts made for a wonderful fantasy each year
and what kid doesn’t like fantastic stories? I’m 69 years of age and
this time of year still intrigues me and strikes my fancy! I love
Christmas and wouldn’t give it up for the world! I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful Christmas this year and enjoy every moment you spend with your families and loved ones! That’s all I have to say for this week folks! Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report! Bye for now and a Very Merry Christmas to all! Love and best wishes … Greg.
PS: Something To Think About> Consider sleeping at the foot of your Christmas tree this December 24th and maybe just maybe you’ll catch the old guy in the act! PS: Don’t forget the Milk and Cookies! ****
Have a good one.. the doug The Fine Print! The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such. |