The Squamidian Report – Apr. 7 / 18
Issue #828
Including:
From Russ
From Lorne
The Ontarion
Hi All,
Let me tell you something... if you must drive to the Vancouver
airport, do it very early on an Easter Monday morning. Thats what we
just did and it was a piece of cake. There is really no way for us to
get there without going right though down town Vancouver and that can
be daunting at the best of times. The drivers are bad enough but the
pedestrians can be a nightmare as they ignore the traffic, the traffic
lights, and their own safety. But, very early on an Easter Monday
morning there are almost no pedestrians and almost no traffic. What
would normally take us the better part of 2 hours took just an hour and
a quarter. After dropping off 'The Wife' I enjoyed the same conditions
on the drive home. It was great. They should have Easter Mondays more
often.
*
A
few days later I was sitting quietly on the couch in the living room
enjoying a peaceful evening when all of a sudden one of the lenses of
my glasses fell out. Thats a bummer at the best of times. And
frustrating as heck. Luckily the lens landed on my lap and didn't
sustain any damage. I was puzzled by the fact the it fell out because
due to the fact that the little screws that hold glasses frames tightly
around the glass have an annoying tendency to work loose, I always
apply a little bit of blue locktight to those screws whenever I get new
glasses or new lenses. And I had done so last summer when my current
lenses were installed into these frames. On close inspection the tiny
little screw had not backed out, it had pulled out, as in stripped
threads. I had no way of repairing the glasses myself.
So, next morning I went to the optometrist place where I had gotten the
lenses and asked if I could see their person who puts glasses back
together. I explained to said person that it would appear the screw has
pulled out rather than backing out on its own. She said “no problem, it
should only take a few minutes to fix” and told me have a seat and she
would do it right away. It ended up taking ended up taking three
quarters of an hour including the time it took for her to get a bandage
for the finger she stabbed trying to get a new oversized screw to bite
into the hole that was now missing its threads. But, she got it done
and I was able to leave wearing my now repaired glasses. I had had to
wear my prescription sun glasses to drive to there under a dark
overcast sky. Getting my 'normal' glassed fixed was relief and I
thanked her kindly. Only people who must wear eye glasses can fully
understand how dependent we are on them.
*
Well
now, I'm still playing around with my recording software and system.
I've replaced my crappy old distorted computer speakers with a pair of
quality monitor speakers that reproduce sound very accurately, meaning
I can now here what I've laid down through speakers as accurately as
through a head set, only better because I'm able to hear the sound
freely as opposed to trapped in headphones. Both ways are good and both
give me the tools to mix my material but the speakers give me the
ability to mix, hearing what it would sound like through a nice sound
system. So, I needed something to record and I still don't have any new
material. Last time I recorded a song, it was one written about half a
century ago by Kris Kristofferson. He wrote a lot of music in his time
and a lot of it became hits for various artists. Anyway, another of his
songs that I've always liked is called 'Lovin Her Was Easier Than
Anything I'll Every Do Again', and thats the one I've recorded this
time. Recording is a hobby, it keeps me thinking, working on improving
and so on. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed
recording and mixing it. I've put in the rhythm, base, and four part
harmony pretty well like I would normally do because face it, I can,
and its fun.
http://www.thedougsite.net/Songs/Covers/Lovin%20Her%20Was%20Easier.mp3
doug
****
From Russ
This week I’m going to make some of the most dangerous confessions of all; “deep, dark confessions”.
Don’t you just HATE to see someone drink ‘directly’ from a carton of
milk, or eat ‘directly’ from a jar of something? When living
alone, this is not quite as disgusting because nobody else has to
drink/eat anything so abused.
So, I confess I eat crunchy peanut butter by the spoonful, right out of
the jar. I do the same thing with spready cheese, marmalade, apple
butter, or anything else that’s handy. How gross!
Do any of you eat directly from the pot or pan used to cook the stuff?
Sure you do......We do it to save washing pots & pans, loading the
dishwasher, to save power, and because we’re all turning green!!
And speaking of all things green, can anyone tell what benefits are
flowing from all these windmills cropping up all over our beautiful
green countryside? Sure haven’t seen any reduction in my Hydro One bill!
I remember the day when some countries used to electrocute bad people....some quit that....was it to save electric power?
Canada used hanging as a penalty for the most serious crimes....Were we thinking green back then?
And speaking of serious crimes, I’m about to confess for the first time
(except to my best friend, and former ‘stable mate’) that I was SO
overcome with hatred toward my boss, that I planned to murder him.
Seriously. The plan, which I rehearsed in my mind, over and over until
I had it down pat, will now be revealed:
Time/date – 8:30 AM, any weekday during the mid 70’s
Place – His office at Seneca College, Newnham Campus, Finch Ave.
Weapon of choice – My leather belt (normally used to hold up my pants)
Stratagem – (there’s a fancy word for you!)
I knock on his closed office door. He responds, “Come in”. He’s
busy on his typewriter - - pauses momentarily, looks up and asks” What
do you want?” As an act of kindness, I offer to close the blind behind
him, as the hot rising sun is turning him beet red.
“Yeah, go ahead” he grunts. He doesn’t turn his head, so I rattle the
blind to cover up the sound as I slip my belt off. Forming a loop
(noose) with the belt, I quickly slip it over his head, down onto his
bare neck. I give a sharp tug as I spin around, so we’re now
back-to-back, he can’t fend me off. Bending forward and pulling
down....I hold this strategic position until he stops making those
awful choking sounds. The struggling stops, I remove my belt,
returning it to my pants. I lean him forward, it looks like he’s
sleeping face down on his desk. I walk out of his office, quietly
closing the door behind me using my foot.
There. You have my confession.
Thankfully, I never went through with it!
“One cannot be punished for his thoughts alone ”This is a “Legal maxim”
which has endured for many Centuries, originating in England, BUT, hold
on! Based on what’s NOW happening in London, “If one makes an oral or
written statement (as I have just done) and someone feels the words are
prompted by hate, the accused can be punished under the proposed Law,
as a Hate Crime even though the thing, or act was never
committed!! Oh well, if I’m ever convicted and sentenced to “Life
imprisonment”.....seriously....how long can that be?
PS
I continued to hate the man long after we both retired from Seneca, but
finally, I was relieved of this terrible thing eating away at me, when
I finally forgave him for all his cruel treatment of me lasting for two
Decades of the twenty six years he was “The Boss From Hell”
And, do you know what? He never knew I forgave him, but it was a terrible weight off my shoulders - - A God-send!!
More good news - - -they buried him a few years ago - - -dead, you know.
By Uncle Russ.
PPS
I’m sleeping better, after all these confessions!
****
From Lorne
We in this part of the reader's area are well aware of the wind storm
of April 4. Gusts reported of 100 KM per. During a blinding
blizzard about noon, I heard but could not see, the sound of breaking
branches and falling limbs. When the sky opened, there on the
ground having smashed through an out shed used for the storage of fire
wood, lay a large part of a black locust. More than 30 feet in length
and about 10 inches diameter at the broken but end. The wind ripped it
from the top of a tree about 80 feet West of the house and
carried it Easterly and horizontally for another 50 feet
until it caught in another tree near the back of the house, breaking in
two, leaving part in the 2nd. tree and dropping the rest on the ground
crashing through the shed missing the west deck by almost no inches.
Reports of many areas still without power as of 9.30 am on a quiet,
sunny but very cold, April 5.
Lorne
****
THE ONTARION REPORT
Hello Everyone!
Oh how I long to get outside on a bright sunny warm day and mow the
lawn again! As you all know I like to blow the snow with my TORO but
being cooped up all winter this year and not being able to do much even
for myself, has really taken a toll on my enthusiasm. It’s been a long
long winter for me and for the family and we’re all looking forward to
some nice warm weather. I’m sure it’ll come along sooner or later and
when it does finally get here, I’m going to go to Wiarton and strangle
that lying varmint “Wireton Willy” with my bare hands! He promised us
only 6 more weeks of winter and it’s been over 8 already! Guess he’s
either lost his touch or he’s just not wanting to tell the truth of how
much longer it’ll take to start SPRING! LOL! Oh well, I’m sure the urge
to kill will wear off once the sunshine hits us!
We’ve sat out a few times in the sunshine that has made it through the
clouds and enjoyed the fresh air at the opening to the garage. At least
the garage shelters us from the wind. When you can get out and about
and are dressed for it, the winter doesn’t seem as long. When we were
kids, we used to be out as much as possible to play in and enjoy the
snow. I remember coming home from tobogganing with my pant legs frozen
stiff and with no feeling in my hands or feet but a big smile on my
face. In those days, just a piece of cardboard was a great way to slide
down the nearest hill. We didn’t need fancy sleds or expensive
toboggans to have fun. Prueter Public School had a nice hill at the
rear of the building that was ideal for such an afternoon’s fun.
There was also a great ice rink on the field as well so skating was a
good way to wear off our energy before heading home to bed. I was never
a hockey player but the skating was always fun. Winter brought on all
sorts of fun for the neighbourhood kids. We were “The Floyd St Gang”
and always had some sort of snow project on the go. We built a snow
fort in Mike and Gord Beal’s back yard. My dad had brought home a few
wooden boxes that had contained corned beef and they were good and
sturdy. We would pack them full of snow and then turn out the big
blocks of snow to make an igloo that was large enough to hold about 6
kids. What a neat way to make a fort to shelter ourselves from the wind
and snow. I guess we were lucky that the roof never caved in on us! We
had no problem finding enough snow in those days to make it as big as
we wanted. The hardest part was tapering the blocks into a roof as we
built the walls. We did manage to complete it a few years in a row but
once the members started to get old enough to start high school we lost
interest in the neighbourhood gatherings. It seemed that everybody had
too much homework or too many other interests to bother with each other
much. I guess that’s life isn’t it?
Speaking of life, when did you start to appreciate your independence? I
think it all started for me when I got my first bike and could get
farther from home on my own. We used to go all the way to Canadian Tire
at the corner of king and Borden Sts and just wander through the store
to look at all the cool stuff. I used to save up until I had a couple
of bucks and then go there to buy a new fishing lure or some hooks so I
could build my own tackle box contents. My dad used to take us fishing
quite a bit when we were kids but once we hit our teens and had our own
interests that went by the wayside as well. My real independence came
along when I got my drivers license and once in a long while was
allowed to have the use of my dad’s ’64 Buick Le Sabre. It was one of
the biggest cars on the road back then and to top it all off it was
PINK! The official name for the paint colour was “Sunfire Red” but it
was pink in the eyes of most people that looked at it. Anyway, it was a
monster to wheel around town and for some odd reason it always seemed
to need gas or brakes whenever I asked to use it. SO, the only solution
was to buy a car of my own. I remember I was working part time at the
Supertest Station at the corner of Margaret Ave and Guelph St and the
man who lived opposite that station had a 1951 Morris Minor 1000. He
had scrounged some left over paint (pale green and cream) from Mr
Kanter the owner of the station and painted the Morris with his vacuum
cleaner. I’m not sure how he rigged that but that’s how he did the
paint job. It actually looked pretty good when he was done. I asked him
one day if he’d consider selling me the car. He said to bring my dad
over and he’d talk to him about it. I took my dad to see the car and
the owner said he’d sell it to me for $100.00. Dad thought it was an ok
deal so I emptied my bank account and bought the car the next day. I
remember it costing me $40.00 a year for insurance to cover the car.
The Morris had a four-cylinder flat head motor in it with a 4-speed
floor shifter. It was a gutless little vehicle but it got me around for
over a year. I had even painted a metallic blue racing stripe from
front to back with a can of spray paint from Canadian Tire. It looked
pretty snazzy if I do say so myself. “Snazzy” now there’s an old word
you don’t hear anymore! The Morris was on it’s second summer with me
when I made a turn off of Bridgeport Rd onto Bluevale St in Waterloo
one evening and as I turned the corner to the right, the right front
wheel collapsed and the car dropped to the road, skidding to a halt. I
walked all the way to Floyd St and told my dad about the situation. He
called his friend Joe Gibble who owned a Sunoco Station at Bridgeport
Rd and Weber Sts and he picked up the car with his tow truck. It was
beyond repair from that point!
I had to start looking for another car so I borrowed the Buick and
drove around to local car lots. I found a ’62 Mini Minor at Heffner
Motors across from Rockway Gardens and the price was $350.00. I had
enough to buy this little British car and had my second set of wheels.
The feeling of independence has always been with me and I suppose that
most teenagers feel that feeling with their driver’s license. I know
that to this day I still feel that independent feeling when I’m out in
the car. I’m sure most people would feel lost without their car! It’s a
wonderful feeling to be able to just jump in a vehicle and go wherever
you wish!
Speaking of cars I’m waiting with bated breath for the good weather so
we can get the MGB out of the garage and start a summer of top down
driving. It’ll feel good again to get out and have the wind blowing
through my hair! There’s that feeling of independence again and it’s
especially enjoyable in a convertible!
I’m sure you are all looking forward to the nice spring and summer
weather so let’s keep our fingers crossed that it arrives real soon!
That’s about it for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now… Greg
PS: Something To Think About>
No great idea … No flash of brilliant insight is worth anything unless it can be communicated!
****
Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.
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