The Squamidian Report – Mar. 7 / 15
 
Issue #667

Including:
The Ontarion

Hi All,

Would you believe I'm actually looking forward to visiting the KW area this coming week? Yup, it will be a nice change of pace. A whole week of no pollen in the air, that will be great.  A week of no flowers or green grass will be interesting. With luck I'll even see some snow. That would be cool. Of course there is also that birthday thing I'm coming back to attend as well. I usually come back for Vivyan's birthday but seeing as how Lorne's is a milestone, so to speak, this time I'm coming for his. I won't say how old he is turning but needless to say he is now older than dirt. Unfortunately, as that generation ages, they are dragging the rest of us along with them. No fair but not much we can do about it. Anyway, I fly in on Westjet on the 11th and then back out on the 18th.

But you know, age is simply a measurement of something we call 'time'. But what is time? Its a label for duration perhaps. It is experienced differently in different situations. Its deeply entwined in physics and yet it didn't always exist. If current theories and understandings of the Big Bang are correct, time didn't come into being until a fraction of a second after the initial event. Until then, time did not exist. I don't think its something that is part of the structure of the universe like energy or gravity but more a result, or a measurement, of how things unfold. And relativity makes time appear to do all sorts of strange things. Here's an example, and I could very well be totally out to lunch with this but its how my limited understanding of physics works. 'Time' from our perspective tends to flow in a 'forward' direction at a relatively smooth rate. We now measure it as precisely as possible using an atomic clock. At one time it was measured by watching the sun, so, our accuracy has gone up considerably. Then something either funny or annoying happens, depending on your view point, as speed increases. Time appears to slow down. As 'you' approach the speed of light, time slows to a crawl and if anything could achieve the speed of light, time comes to a complete stop. No time, time = zero. Within general relativity nothing can go faster than light. Quantum physics does not apply here and even if it did, I certainly don't pretend to understand any of it. So, a particle of light, a photon I think, travels at the speed of light, obviously, where 'time' is slowed to a stop. Therefore, a light particle does not age because time does not pass. Cool. Now lets take this a little further. Two identical particles of light are created at the exact same time. Simultaneous. One particle travels, at the speed of light for just a tiny fraction of a second before hitting an object and becoming absorbed and animated. For that particle, no time passed because at the speed of light, time stands still. Now, the other particle hasn't hit anything and has travelled across the universe, at the speed of light. For that particle no time has passed as well, for the same reason. Therefore both the particle that lasted only a nano-second and the particle that travelled for several billion years measured the same duration of existence. Zero time. They are still the same age.

How does this apply to how old Lorne is turning?  Beats me. Unless he intends to run around a the speed of light he's stuck with what he's got. So, happy birthday and enjoy.

doug
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THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone!

This is starting to get to me, every time I look out the window I see snow! I figured there must be something more soothing to look at so I turned my TV on and switched it to the GOLF channel! Now I’m no longer seeing snow, I’m seeing lovely green grass and sand deposits that remind me of what summer looks like here in Ontario. The grass on my lawn and the sand on the beaches of our Great Lakes, what could be better than these two things? I’m actually looking forward to mowing the lawn again and also strolling the sandy beaches of our lakes! It actually warms my heart to imagine these two activities even if one of them is a laborious activity when compared to the other. I’ll just have to make sure I do lots of each this summer so I can get through next winter a little easier. Sheesh, here I am thinking of next winter already, please forgive me! I’m looking forward to getting together with Doug when he visits this month for his dad’s birthday. In case I forget, I want to wish Lorne a Happy 90th Birthday right now. It may only seem like his 60th but when you’re that young looking and acting, who cares what the real number is, Happy Birthday in advance Lorne and many more to come!

Well, after not seeing any change in the weather over the past few weeks since the groundhog’s WRONG prediction I’ve been enjoying watching the golf tournaments on the Golf channel. It’s even got me thinking about digging my clubs out after 16 years in storage and taking a stab at a round or two of golf myself this summer. If I can muster enough of a grip to keep from tossing my clubs as far as my ball usually goes down the fairway, I may just give it a try. I used to thoroughly enjoy a game of golf when we held our annual Waterloo Fire Fighter’s Golf Tournament each year. I even went so far as to have custom Knickers made by my former childhood employer Zenek Taub, owner and operator of Morris Custom Tailors in the Arcade Building in downtown Kitchener. The building burned to the ground a few years ago but I still have about 6 sets of Knickers stored in our basement closet. I had Zenek make the knickers out of different coloured casual slacks and then I’d shop for a contrasting coloured golf shirt and socks to go with them. Then I’d find a matching colour of Peek Cap to the Knickers and the outfit was complete. I believe I have a navy blue set, a red set, a white set, a black set and even a PINK set of knickers. We used to have a talented sign painter and artist on the department by the name of Dennis Dubrick. He used to letter the fire trucks and one evening I left my golf bag with him at the fire hall and he was kind enough to paint my name on the side of it for me. I thought he would put a 1” high signature type name (Greg Payne) on the side of the bag. To my surprise in the morning he told me that my bag was finished and was in the storage room of the station. I got busy and only thought of checking out the bag later in the day. I was shocked to find that he had turned my bag sideways on the workbench and painted the name PAYNE in huge letters the full length of the bag. It was so obvious that anyone could read it from half way down any fairway of the golf course! LOL! I actually became used to all the comments it brought my way on the course that I wouldn’t trade it for any other new bag even if it were free! There was a golfer by the name of Payne Stewart who just happened to be my favourite player to watch back in the 80’s and 90’s on TV. He unfortunately died when his private jet ran out of oxygen rendering the crew and passengers unconscious in the late 90’s and flew on auto pilot until it ran out of fuel and crashed on a trip to a tournament in the southern States. I of course identified with him because his first name was my last name. He was the only pro golfer that wore knickers better known as “Plus 4’s” when he golfed and of course he was a stand out player on the tour. I decided to have my knicker outfits tailored to match his when WFD started having annual tournaments for charity. We had the tournaments for the last 20 years or more while I was on the job and they were indeed fun, especially when I would attract so much attention in my new outfit each year! The outfits made me feel like a pro but they did nothing to improve my game! Hahahaha……. It was just a lot of fun and laughs brought to the WFD tourney to wear the Payne Stewart golf garb! I may just dig one out this summer and surprise Adam when we get out on the course as we’ve been talking about doing. It should be fun to get back out after all these years and maybe it’ll loosen up my weary joints! After all, it’s been a long winter and I think I’ll need some activity to bring me back to life!

I’ll see if I can’t dig up a picture of me in one of my Payne Stewart outfits and send it out to our Squamidian group just so I can share a laugh with all of you!
Guess that’s it for this week folks! Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!

Bye for now … Greg

PS: Something To Think About>
If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

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Have a good one..
the doug
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