The Squamidian Report – Dec. 12 / 15
 
Issue #707

Including:
The Ontarion

Hi All,

We are hopefully nearing the end of a 3-week wet spell, perhaps by early or mid next week making it closer to 4 weeks. Perhaps 'wet' is not the right word. On the few days that it hasn't been raining, its been out and out pouring. None-stop. Those Pacific storms set up all in a row like a conveyor belt and then start pumping, one after the other. There is no way to describe to anyone who has not experienced these storms just how much water falls from the sky. The volume is incredible. The winds can be incredible too. Strangely, there was one day, about a week ago, when for some reason a lull in the weather activity happened. The wind died down to almost nothing, the rain temporarily almost stopped. I figured this might be a good time to quickly pop down to the ball park and fly the little airplane. Who knows when the next window of opportunity might be. So, off I went. The first thing I look for at the field is people. If there is anyone on the field I don't fly, out of courtesy and safety. Luckily, there was no one there meaning I could fly, except that I couldn't. There were more Canada geese on that field than I've ever seen in my life. It was standing room only. And you know what that means, there was more goose poop than I've ever seen in my life. The grass was covered, more importantly and disappointingly, the infield was covered making it a poopy gooy green. There would be no way to take off or land on it even if I could get to the infield without getting my boots totally smeared. I could have flown from the parking lot but I'd still need to have the actual flying take place over the outfield and that would mean flying over who knows how many hundreds of geese. All it would take is for some dork to come along and complain that an R/C was 'harassing' the birds. You know how some people can be. Or, if I were to keep the plane over the field a bit too long and the flight battery were to expire, the plane would come down out on a rather richly freshly fertilized field. Neither option was good so, I went home. Perhaps this incredible amount of rain we are having will dissolve and flush away the countless bird turds, leaving the field ready and available for next time.
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'The Wife' and I were sitting on the couch the other evening, and I being a normal person was channel surfing and found myself on a TV station out of Washington State that only runs old shows and programs. You know, the stuff from way back when. This particular evening they were running some old Christmas episodes of some old sitcoms, in this case, Petticoat Junction and The Beverly Hillbillies. Both of these shows had been way too dumb and silly and stupid to be worth watching back in the early 60's but apparently we must have because they were vaguely familiar. Or at least the characters in them seemed to be. Anyway, in the first one, the characters from Hooterville wanted to decorate the old steam train that runs from the village to the hotel, and then use it to go around the valley singing Christmas carols. (I'm not sure you'd be aloud to sing Christmas carols on public transportation theses days). But of course, and totally predictably, the grumpy old assistant manager of the railway company that operates the train, (Smily Burnet played the engineer) was determined to put a stop to the festivities and tried to shut down the train and therefore shut down the 'little hotel called the Shady Rest at the Junction'. He apparently had it in for the people who ran the place. However, and totally predictably, the real manager of the railroad caught on and also predictably, knew and was an old friend of 'Kate'. So, to make a pretty dumb story short, he managed to get there in time to save the day, make the grumpy guy dress up like and elf and partake in the merriment.

The second silly show was the Beverly Hillbillies. Again, embarrassingly stupid on all levels but somehow vaguely familiar. And, by today's standards, most definitely not politically correct. Just the fact that a family is portrayed as so backward and clueless would get you stoned these days. Then there was the fact that the banker's wife was making a big fuss over her brand new Christmas present, a very expensive mink coat. Who would dare to wear a fur coat now? (Funny, we don't seem to have a problem with leather). Now heres where it got really dumb and beyond politically incorrect... the banker and his wife were having a 'spat' and she headed off in a huff to their mansion next door. The banker said to Jed Clampit that he was going home and have a talk with her to which old Jed replied, “why not just take her out back and give her a good wompin”. Humor from 50 years ago would be today's lawsuits. Oh how times have changed.
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And then there was our dead battery incident. There had been some indication for a while that the battery in the car was getting tired but I had managed to more or less ignore them although we had decided to get a new battery in the near future. The future is now, or more accurately, last Tuesday. Our normal morning routine includes walking the dog to the dog park, perhaps a kilometer away, so she can sniff etc to her heart's content, then walk home of course. After that, we'd all jump in the car and head on down to the Golden Arches for a coffee. Willow doesn't actually like coffee but she insists on the outing. However, that particular morning, like so many others of late, was pouring rain so hard the wipers couldn't begin to keep up. So, as we do on mornings like that, we drove the dog to the dog park where she did a quick sniff and dump (which we of course cleaned up) and then continued on down into town for our coffee. We enjoy sitting in the car watching the world go by as we drink said coffee and thats what we did. When we went to leave, the car would not start. A few clicks from the starter system was all, battery down too far to turn the starter over.

Ok, now what do we do? I have booster cables in the pickup truck but I'd need a lift home to get the truck. We have BCAA but had never used it, perhaps this should be the time to give it a try. I called them and spent a frustrating time trying to deal with a taped message and instructions. Finally the mechanical voice got tired of me and requested that I talk to a 'real' person. Thats what I had wanted all along. Du. Upon explaining the situation to the 'real' person, they said that they were way backed up but could probably have a local tow truck attend in an hour or perhaps a bit longer. It would take that long to call a cab, go home and get the truck and come back and I'd have to pay for the cab so we agreed to wait for the tow truck to come and boost the car. The truck actually got there in just over half an hour and the boost took all of 2 minutes. We were on our way. Now replacing a battery in a vehicle is very easy to do if the battery is somewhere thats easy to get to and ours is. But batteries are heavy and I'm getting older and my shoulders are shot, so we figured it couldn't hurt to check with the local Toyota dealer to see if they could slip the car in and install a new one for us, which they could, and did. They charged us 20 minutes for labor, it would have taken me that long to get the old one out so no complaints here. The old battery was original, the car is a 2008 so again, no complaints there either. Next time I'll pay more attention to the signs that the battery is starting to fail, unless by then I'm too old to even remember to do so.
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And lastly, I know for a fact while a few of you may be disappointed, some of you really couldn't care less and others will perhaps even be a bit relieved but heres the thing.... This has been a very stressful year and a very busy year. There simply hasn't been many opportunities to get or feel 'creative'. Therefore, unlike the last several years, at this time of year, I will not be sending out home made, original music CDs. There has only been 4 new compositions this year and its certainly not worth the time or expense to burn those to CD and mail them out. Oh well. At some point it will just 'happen' again. Maybe in time for next year's Christmas.

doug
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THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone!

It’s getting close to Christmas and we’re still having the same temps as Doug and Sue out west! What a pleasant surprise at this time of year here in Ontario! Guess we’ll just have to grin and bare it!
 
I’ve been out Christmas shopping and haven’t been bothered by the crowds that usually plague the stores and malls in mid December. I guess they’re pulling a 'Doug' and waiting till the last minute to do their shopping. With the cost of a barrel of oil these days, I wouldn’t be surprised if people are giving gift certificates for their local Petro Canada Station. After 66 years of life here on earth I’m starting to think of more practical gifts I guess, thus the petrol idea! When you reach my age, which isn’t really all that old, you tend to run out of gift ideas when people ask what you’d like for Christmas. I really have a hard time thinking of something I’d like to receive for such occasions. Although I must admit that I’ve always been at a loss when asked what I’d like for a gift. I’ve always enjoyed giving more than I receiving gifts but I guess that’s just my nature. When you reach this stage in life, just having your family around you for a nice Christmas dinner is gift enough. With good health and everyone you love happy and smiling, life seems full enough! We have a small family but we always manage to enjoy this time of year as if we were as large as the Brubacher Clan. I’m sure the homestead has always been buzzing and how could it not be with so many in the family home for Christmas!

Anyway, I’d be willing to bet that there won’t be many toboggans and sleighs under the tree this year or in years to come with the weather changing like it is. The predictions for a mild winter here in Ontario have filled the airwaves so I hope for a change that the predictions are correct. I’d like my Toro to last another twenty years like Doug’s apparently will! LOL! I guess when the closest you come to blowing the snow is seeing it on the distant mountaintops the blower doesn’t suffer any wear and tare! The sidewalks will hopefully stay bare this year or at least well into the winter season. It’d be a nice change not to have to be clearing them two and three times a day like we did the past few years. The city of Kitchener has hired outside contractors to do the clearing of snow this year instead of paying city workers overtime to do the task. I’m anxious to see how that works out! I’d be willing to bet it’ll be a losing proposition for the taxpayers. Oh well, the big winners will be the contractors if we don’t get any snow. I’m sure they are like insurance companies that bet on you not dying so they don’t have to pay out on your Life policies. The contractors bet against it snowing so they can cash in on the lump sums without having to lift a shovel or move a plow! Only time and Mother Nature will tell.

With the anticipation of snow on the roads, I installed my snow tires a couple of weeks ago. I’m like a Boy Scout who’s always “Prepared”. I have the tires on and the Toro ready for action but if all goes well, I may not have to use either one! At least I’ve been able to take advantage of the new legislation requiring Insurance Companies to offer a discount of 5% for having snow tires on one’s vehicle this time of year. I’d rather have them on my Jeep and not need them than need them and not have them on! That goes for having a snow blower in the garage at the ready as well I guess. Anyway, whatever comes our way winter wise, I’m ready for it! What I’m not ready for are the heavy tax increases the city is applying this year as well as the additional charges for hydro and water that are in the budget. Some months our billing shows that it’s costing us more to pay for the service charges for each utility than the cost of the actual item itself! Ie: Delivery of the water, natural gas or electricity costs us more than the gas, water or electricity delivered! Not much we can do about it I guess! It just ticks me off!

One more thing that ticks me off is the fact that some creep stole a lovely planter that Carole made to be part of our decorations on the outside of the house. We had it sitting on the bench in the garden at the side of our house, just at the end of our porch. It was a large plastic terra cotta pot with beautiful green boughs, white stars on sticks, a large red sparkly ball on a stick and a sparkling silver bow attached to the rim of the pot. It also weighed in at around 35 lbs I’d say. It sat there for three days and nights and all of a sudden Carole noticed it was gone! Someone had to have slugged it out to a car to haul it away. We checked the field behind the house thinking that if it was a young vandal that snapped it up it might be smashed in the Hydro Right Of Way but alas it was not to be! I guess that meant that it was an adult thief with a vehicle waiting nearby. I phoned the Police and then went on line to fill in a theft report on their Regional Police website. I don’t know what good that did but at least the police have the information should someone drop the decoration on the hood of one of their cruisers while the cop is sleeping behind the local plaza! I doubt we’ll ever find out who the culprit was or is so I hope the GRINCH needed it more than he figures we did!  What a rotten thing to do at this or any other time of year. I hope he pulled his groin lifting the pot! On the other hand, he’s likely the type that pulls his groin just for fun! LOL!

Guess that’s it for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!

Bye for now … Greg

Something To Think About>
You’re never too old to learn something stupid!
    
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Have a good one..
the doug
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