The Squamidian Report – Mar. 29 / 14
 
Issue #618

Including:
The Ontarion

Hi All,

We finally found ourselves having to replace our old BBQ. It was about 10 years old I think and had gone through a burner or so. Most of it's insides were pretty well rusted out and it had developed a hot spot right behind the control valves. That spot got so hot that it melted the control knobs which was scary because that meant the valves, gas valves, were getting very hot. So, we hunted around and did some Internet searches and ended up with a stainless steel unit from Home Depot. Took a couple of hours to put it together and it sure looked nice. We have used it twice and I must say I am totally disappointed. Its a big 5-burner unit (4 inside and 1 outside, side burner) and even with all 4 burners on high it could barely get warm enough to cook anything. You are supposed to be able to just use the burners needed for under the area of stuff being cooked. We put one tiny little steak on and fired up the 2 burners at that end of the unit we were trying to cook on. Heck, you couldn't even burn your hand if you tried. There are these tent shaped covers over the burners that keep the flames from getting any where near the food, and I suppose they keep any drippings off the burners. The end result is very little heat gets any where near the grill, and I don't think the burners are pumping out near enough heat. Its like the control valves are only letting a fraction of the required gas get through. I had to run all the burners at full heat in order to cook one little steak. If I'm doing something wrong I can't figure out what it is. When you put some meat on a BBQ grill, you expect it to cook, not be bored to death. I tried a couple of days later with 3 lousy little hamburger patties. Same thing, had to run all the burners at full heat and it still took almost ¾ of an hour to brown the outsides. Inside the patties it was still a quivering pink.

I think the biggest problem is that everything these days is being made so safe that no one can possibly get hurt using a given product. Wouldn't want a law suit. Heck, you can't even purchase a cup of hot coffee these days without it being covered with warnings. Lawn mowers can barely mow the grass anymore because it would be dangerous to have a blade spinning fast enough to accomplish anything. And wood chippers are almost illegal now because they could hurt someone. And so on. So now we have BBQs that can't get hot enough to cook anything in case someone were to sit on the grill while something supposedly edible is trying to be grilled on the grill. Thats the only thing I can think of. I can actually tap the grill with my finger tip when it's been on high for 5 minutes without being burned. Internet reviews of these units rave about them. They are admittedly very well put together and very impressive looking, and reviewers all praised how they got hot very fast and stayed hot. Ours sure didn't.

I decided to talk to the Home Depot service desk person. Home Depot is usually pretty good at making sure it's customers are satisfied and I'm certainly not satisfied with this BBQ. I ended up talking to the store manager and he suggested several things to try and if they didn't rectify the problem, he would do a house call and check it himself. I tried all the things he suggested which were all the things I'd already tried, including a full tank of propane, and nothing worked. So, the Home Depot manager came over and tried everything. He expected to see the thermometer climb to over 500 but it never got above 400, and he agreed you should not be able to hold your hand a millimeter above a grill thats been on high for 5 minutes. Incidentally, the external side burner seems to work correctly, you can hear the gas flow and you would burn you hand 4 inches above it. Anyway, he suggested I come in to the store, pick a new, different unit, and they would deliver it and pick up the faulty one at the same time. I would simply have to pay whatever price difference there was. So, I went back to the store to try to pick a different unit. While there he fired up the store's own BBQ, identical to the one we had bought and it got hot. The flames were at least twice as big as on ours. I'm convinced it is a valve problem but face it, what do I know. Anyway, the manager told me to look at the floor models so I could see what was available, but also told me there was some he would not sell to me as they are inferior to the one we already had. The choice came down to a Broilmate for another $100, or, a Weber for another $50. The Broilmate is very similar to the Dyna-Glo we had bought but seemed to lack the over-all quality of the Dyna-Glo. The Weber is a bit strange, its smaller that the others but still a tad bigger than the old warn out one, and is classified as a portable BBQ although its too big to be functionally portable. It does not have a side burner, and does not come with a warming rack. Its almost turtle shaped so most of the heat and smoke is captured inside to aid cooking and flavor. This unit is already assembled as it was a display unit all last year and is the last one like it in the store. It was originally $150 more than we paid for the Dyna-Glo and he will chop $100 off the price making it $50 more than we have already paid. A warming rack can be ordered that simply sits on top of the grill. I told him I needed to confer with 'The Wife' who is currently out-of-province and I'd be in on Monday with a decision. He said he'd set the Weber aside until then, and thats where we stand right now. I think we will go with the Weber, I'll let you know next week. Hope this wasn't too boring.

And no, I have not been out on the bike at all this past week. We've had several days nice enough to go riding but as luck would have it, I was always tied up or otherwise busy on those days. Bummer.
doug
****


****

THE ONTARION REPORT

Hello everyone!

I hope you’re all enjoying Spring! We’re actually down to about a foot of snow on the lawns out front but out back is still at least twice that deep. It’s hard to believe that we’re still in the chokehold of winter and it’s already one week into spring. The temperatures have been holding steady in the sub Zero range but they’re supposed to be creeping upward over the next week so lets keep our fingers crossed. I guess we’ve just been spoiled by the past five or so years of mild winters and this year just brought us back to a normal Canadian winter. We should all remember this type of winter, after all, we’ve been living with extreme cold and snow deeper than our knees for most of our lives. That is, for those of us who’ve lived here in Canada most of our lives! I guess if we want to disprove the “Global Warming” theory then we’ll have to put up with traditional winters of Canada and quit wining about them! It’ll just be nice when we finally do hit mid May where the temps are in the +20’s and the huge snowstorms of 2014 are nothing but a memory. I am looking forward to wearing tee shirts and shorts and spending days outdoors tending to summer chores such as cleaning out my garage and arranging weekend garage sales to rid myself of all my unwanted “stuff” once again. This just might be the year that I actually purge myself of stuff that I’ve been thinking I should hang on to just in case I need it in the future. That’s the old excuse for hording junk that most people use and it’s only when they die that their kids get the lovely task of cleaning out the old homestead and saying “What the hell did mum and dad save all this shit for over the past 50 or more years?” Of course by the time this happens, those “treasures” just might be “Treasures” and the kids will  benefit from our hording of all our “Stuff”! After all, where would the History Channel be without all those antique hunting and storage wars programs they are bombarding us with? I am just as guilty of supporting those shows as anyone and I actually enjoy watching them to see what “Treasures” these newfound TV stars find! They kind of make me want to buy an old truck and travel around the countryside in search of horded treasures myself. It would probably be worthwhile renting a retail space somewhere and filling it with one’s cool “Treasures” and having a permanent garage sale location. I’m sure that the garage sales around the city would be a steady supply of inventory for a “Junk or should I say Treasure Store” and with a little effort a retired person could nicely supplement their monstrous Old Age Pension and CPP monthly incomes! On the other hand, I’m sure that many people do spend their weekends cruising the local garage sales and then reselling what they’ve found from their own driveways every fourth weekend. It sounds like a good idea but from my past experiences with my own garage or driveway sales, most people that attend these weekend sales want everything for NOTHING! So, that kind of takes the wind out of my sails (or should I say SALES) when I actually give this idea some thought. Oh well, when I get bored this summer I will likely put together one or two garage sales just for something to do on a weekend and see if I can’t at least pick up enough cash to take Carole to McDonald’s for a “Happy Meal” or to Wendy’s for a “Side Caesar” and a free “Senior’s Diet Coke”!
So you see, when I think of it, there really are some benefits to hosting a garage sale after all!
C’mon Summer!

That’s it for this week folks!
Thanks for tuning in and I’ll look forward to talking to you all again next week in The Ontarion Report!
Bye for now … Greg

PS: Something To Think About>
I stayed up all night just to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me!
****

Have a good one..
the doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.