The Squamidian Report – Jan. 26 / 08
Issue #296
Also in this issue:
An Adventure From Constable Russ
From the Shores of Lake Huron
A Note From Ewan
The Ontarion
Hi All,
Sunday morning Breakfast in Whistler is one of those things we do because we can, and we do because we enjoy doing it. So we drove up to Whistler last Sunday morning as usual, except that this time the sun was shining brightly and the sky was blue. In fact, the several days of sunshine we’ve enjoyed over the past week have probably been more than all the sunshine the west coast has had in the previous five or six month. We have an Artic Outflow to thank. That’s were a cold high pressure cell sits over the mountains and the cold air sinks and flows out the valleys and fiords, creating winds that blow out to the ocean instead of the other way around.
Sunny skies mean there is no thick overcast blanketing the mountains, visibility is clear and unlimited. The mountain slopes can be seen as steep snowfields, the peaks as snowy jagged rock pointing into the sky. Travelers pull into every viewpoint to snap pictures of the mountains and glaciers and snowfields. Those days of seemingly endless rain on the coast were days of endless snow at higher elevations and the snow pack is incredible. As you move inland away from the coast and climb in elevation the snow becomes progressively deeper. Long before you get to Whistler the highway starts to seem more like a tunnel than a transportation route. The snow piles and banks along the streets in Whistler tower over the vehicles below. Finding a parking spot near the Wildwood restaurant has become difficult. Normally everyone parks in the center of the turn-around bubble at the end of the street but the bubble has been getting smaller with each snowfall. So you park wherever you can find a hole to park in. But it’s worth the trouble, the food is great and the price is right.
Another side effect of unusually cold clear weather is the fact that the frost has gone very deeply into the ground wherever there is no snow cover. Snow acts as a natural insulator, but on construction sites the snow gets removed or trampled down because it’s in the way. So while the ground seldom even freezes here at low elevation near the coast, it is frozen down over a foot on our job sites. We have to grind our way through the stuff every time we need to dig a trench or hole. It can be quite hard on the equipment at work. And then we end up with big slabs of frozen ground that have to be removed because we certainly can’t put them back in when we backfill.
Nothing like a good old fashion winter to get us wishing for spring. On the other hand, winter can be kind of fun, and we are heading back into a whole messy batch of it this coming week. Snowstorms on the balmy west coast, especially in the Vancouver area, can be quite entertaining.
*
From the ‘just for the fun of it’ department, Warren and I played a gig at the local United Church last Sunday evening. There was nothing ‘churchy’ about it, which was good because we don’t do church type music. They had decided to try having a coffee house type drop-in evening once a month and needed some live entertainment and we still qualify as ‘live’ as far as I know. The minister did a few number as an opener. He’s pretty good with his guitar and his banjo and is very entertaining. Then a woman did a couple of songs on her guitar. After that they turned the evening over to us and we did our thing until they started hinting that it was time to turn off the lights. We seem to have a big enough repertoire that we can just keep on going and going.
The people that came out were a great audience. They were quiet when they should be quiet, they clapped at the right times and even sang along when they knew the song. So it went over well, and we will probably do it again next month. So if you are in the area that evening, come on out, it will be fun.
*
And for those of us who were going into withdrawal, the new Corner Gas season is back on track and back on TV with new episodes. About time, life without our Dog River characters was getting down right dull.
*
I’d like to thank everyone who has been sending in their articles lately. It makes it much more interesting for the readers. We all have something different to say and we all say it differently.
*
And one more thing. Nova Scotia Sus is running a promotion for her business’s 20th anniversary. She sent me a copy of the MP3. You can play it by clicking this link, but be advised it is 1.6mg in size so don’t do it if you are on dial-up.
http://www.thedougsite.net/Songs/scotsburn.mp3
doug
****
This story was inspired by an article in the Record about restoring a 50`s ambulance. Yes, as a 50`s Cop, I wore a Sam Browne and carried a Billy Club. I must confess, I didn’t know the Police Service had discontinued the use of such a convenient piece of leather harness! The purpose for wearing one was to help hold up a Cop’s pants. A loaded 38 Cal. Smith & Wesson Revolver (also a thing of the past) weighs in at a hefty 9 Lbs. Not much you say? Try carrying a 9 Lb. weight in a side pocket for 8 or 10 hrs. and you’ll soon feel your neck and shoulder crying out in pain.!
The side arm was carried in a leather holster on the left side and was designed for `cross-draw` using your right hand (whether or not you were right handed.......there were no left-hand holsters)
But, getting back to why they discontinued the use of the Sam B (if indeed they have), is probably for safety reasons. Remember how we always did up our brown paper, long distance parcel Post with tough string or twine? That didn’t do much to strengthen the package, but it did wonders for the Posties who used the string to grab parcels marked `fragile` so they had the extra leverage to heave them harder and farther. Hence, the reason for Cops no longer wearing Sam Browne belts...... yours truly was grabbed by this belt more times than I care to remember! Yes, and flung harder and farther.
Now, about Billy Clubs.......they were the most useful tool in the entire arsenal. When under attack, you were not allowed to draw your revolver unless someone was trying to kill you! So, as a means of protection, or when trying to subdue a violent client, I often used my Billy to strike a blow to the arms, legs or buttocks. This usually worked and took the fight out of most assailants. But not always.
One night I had arrested a fighting drunk and as usual, placed him in the rear seat of the cruiser, which I alone was managing. In those days there were no protective gates between rear passenger guests and the driver. As I drove toward the Police lock-up, I felt a swish of air passing my right ear. Thinking a window was open (not likely because window and door cranks were removed from rear doors), I turned my head just in time to see a large, dirty size 12 about to strike my face. Without stopping the cruiser, I reached for my Billy which I always left lying handy on the seat beside me (that’s another story) and struck him a hard blow to his shin.....no response....I hit him again, still he kept kicking at my head. He finally got tired as we arrive at the lock-up.
The point I’m making is that persons well under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the suicidal or the mentally ill, do not respond to pain as do normal, sober persons. But, save for a few exceptions I always chose to use my Billy, even when clients were trying to kill me, because there was far too much paperwork involved if one chose to draw his sidearm. And NO, I never shot anybody in my 15 year Police career.
In a later note I`ll tell you why I learned the hard way not to leave my Billy Club on the front seat of the cruiser.
Russ Brubacher, Constable #20, Kitchener Police Dep.
Hey Doug:
When I gave this little story to Your Aunt Barbara, to proof-read, she found a fatal flaw....the Record article had stated that "the Sam Browne & Billy Club had gone the way of the 50`s ambulance"....obsolete and out-dated (like me).
****
Greetings everyone.
SNOW, Snow, snow, that’s what's been happening in the Port Elgin area ever since Monday. We had about 10" of the white fluffy stuff between Monday and Tuesday morning, Tuesday throughout the day about another 3 to4" and Wednesday about 3". My old skid steer loader had more work this week than all winter. Thank goodness the cab is heated so I was quite comfy and had lots of fun doing donuts as they virtually turn a 360 in there own size. LOTS OF FUN. The snowmobilers are smiling to as last night there were a lot out. Give me my heated cab!
Last Sunday afternoon I had a call from the Saugeen Shores police in regards to one of our trailers having been damaged. Upon investigating we had 4 windows broke out. Also 5 other trailers had similar damage so I spent some time closing up the damage with plywood, plastic and duct tape. Not my Idea of a fun Sunday afternoon. QUESTION. How did we ever get to this point in our lives without having the fun of going around breaking windows and doing damage just for the hell of it. It’s got me baffled.
Now that’s there is more snow it will likely keep out the little buggers as now a days if there work involved to get there they won't bother. We I must go for now.
Have a great week.
****
A Note From Ewan
Hello all!
As usual it's been too long since I've written to you. I was sort of hoping that the winter would be a bit slower. It turns out that only driving in winter is slower!
But that might be a good thing. Last weekend I had four days off, which was necessary in order to take care of various things that were largely beyond my control. The days off were more productive than relaxing, but the weekend was better. On Saturday I had many activities planned, some more fun than others. While driving near my place in Toronto I got in to my first collision! Scary, but I was fortunate.
One important detail to me is that a few blocks earlier I answered a call on my Blackberry while stopped at a light. I'm not sure why I answered. But I did have the sense to tell my friend that I was driving and that I'd talk to her later. She understood perfectly and I was paying attention when the light turned green. A few blocks later I was cut off by someone doing a wide U-turn, near an intersection, without even checking his blind spot! The fortunate aspects were that I was paying attention and was not going fast at all. Also the roads were dry with no snow. I hit the breaks and the horn and the driver stopped partially in to my lane. We barely touched bumpers, and there is a very small, almost undetectable scratch. It blends in with the minor wear on the bumper.
So there was no damage, just a reminder. Incidentally, I doubt I would have told my insurance company about anything minor enough not to involve the police. I’m a new driver, and my insurance is insanely high as it is, and will go down to a regular high level over the next three years. In a way to me, "No Fault" insurance means, "everyone's fault for even owning a car" insurance.
After sigh of relief I was off to Kitchener for the second part of the e-mail. I wanted to go out to my Grandparents' to split some wood, which is a lot of fun. I planned to make it in the afternoon, and I was delayed which added to my usual lateness. So it was getting late in the afternoon by the time I even got there. This meant that I didn't get to work with Grandpa (a.k.a Lorne) as much as I would have liked, but we did have some fun. Largely unsupervised wood splitting meant that I just kept on splitting, which is the fun part, without bothering to load the trailer or pile any of it. Pure fun!
Actually the whole job is fun to me, because my profession has no tangible results. It's rewarding to see something that needs doing, do it, and then see that it is done. This rarely exists in an office. Add to that the fresh air and general manly feeling of pretending to be a lumberjack and I'm sold! You could get people in the city to pay to do it.
In addition to the general mess that I left, I managed to wreck Grandpa's new axe. There was a knotty piece, and I was trying hard to be more stubborn than it. Something had to give and it was the axe. I tried and tried after that to do the same to the old one, but it was tougher. So this Squamidian also serves as a record that I owe them an axe, if he can't get a new handle or a replacement. I figure it ought to be free, it's only a couple weeks old!
Plus I made off with a trunk load of wood for my Mom! So I don't know how much I really helped them that day. However, I would like to do it again soon. I hope that I get the chance, we'll have to see if we can get our hands on some more wood.
I hope you have been staying warm and safe this winter, but still having some fun too!
****
Hello
everyone!
I was
thumbing through a real estate booklet the other day and came across a listing
for a home on Union St E. It’s one of several bungalows built up on a high lot
with a driveway running at street level directly into a garage under the house.
The driveway is about 30’ long and about half of it is covered with a roof
because it is cut out of the hill that the house is actually sitting on. These
homes are about a block from where I attended public school back in the 50’s
and early 60’s. It brought back some memories when I saw the listing because I
had a couple of friends that lived in that area and we used to play around that
neck of the woods. We actually had some fun playing and pulling pranks in front
of those very houses. It was great fun to hide in the covered driveway of any
one of those homes and jump out at friends of ours passing by on the way home
from school and scare the bejeepers out of them. I remember a particular stunt
that we used to pull probably from the very house now listed in the real estate
booklet. We would be out in the summer time roaming the streets of the area as
late as we dared to stay out. We usually had to be in shortly after the streets
lights came on but occasionally we’d stretch our luck for an hour or so after
dark. On this one particular night, we found ourselves down on Union St just
hanging around the corner talking. We decided to pull a prank before we headed
home. One of the guys came up with the idea of hiding in the covered driveway
of one of the homes until the opportunity to pull some hijinx came along. We
decided that we would wait until a car was approaching and before it got too
close, two of the guys would run across the road to the opposing boulevard and
kneel at the curbside while the other two of us knelt at the “covered drive”
side of the road. We would all reach out toward the roadway as if we were
holding on to opposite ends of a rope. When the car got near enough to see us
well, we’d make a pulling motion as if we were tightening a wire or rope across
the road and the driver would slam on his brakes in a panic screeching to a
halt! Hahahahahahaaa………. What a Hoot that Was! Of course we’d all run like hell
into the back yards of the houses behind us and the driver was left cursing on
the road. This particular night we were successful at this prank twice and
managed to get away without a problem. We decided to try it one more time
before calling it quits for the night. After all, it was so much fun! Little
did we know that one of the drivers caught in our little trap had called the
police. We set up the scheme one more time and waited for the next victim. It
wasn’t long before we had another sucker coming down the street. Hahahhaaa……… !
We took our places and watched as the headlights approached. Closer and closer
……. All of a sudden ……..”Yank”! GOTCHA! HaHaaaaaaaaa….! His tires squeeled on
the warm evening pavement and we ran laughing into the night. Two of us ran up
the hill into the back yard of the house with the covered drive and the other
two ran through the houses behind them and into the school yard backing those
houses. The houses we were behind backed on to Breithaupt’s bush so we had to
walk through the bush to get out on the next block. We didn’t see the other two
guys that evening but figured they just walked on home. We were wrong about
that! Oh they went home alright but in the back of a police cruiser!!!! LOL!
The cops had set up a trap behind the house in the school yard and waited for
the guys to run through. They very graciously gave the guys a ride home! After
taking them home to their parents (which at that time was worse than JAIL) and
giving them a good talking to they got our names out of them. An hour later as
I was settled in to watch a little TV before going to bed there came a knock at
the door. I answered the door only to be greeted by the biggest uniformed
officer in the world that said “Are YOU Greg Payne?” OH OH! BUSTED! “Can I
speak to your parents please?” I guess I don’t need to go into detail on the
outcome but for the next two weeks my summer wasn’t very much fun. I was under
house arrest to say the least. I couldn’t even take or make a phone call to the
other guys to see what happened to them. Oh well, I guess I got what I deserved
but at the time it seemed a tad harsh just for having a little fun!
Can you
imagine, sentenced to house arrest just for pulling a harmless prank? Sheesh!
What would I have gotten if I’d actually committed a crime? I’m not sure but
nowadays you get “house arrest” for pleading guilty to arson and burning down a
million dollar community grandstand! But, that’s another story for another day!
See how
much fun you can have just by thumbing through a real estate booklet?!!!
Gotta go
for this week!
Thanks
for tuning in and I look forward to talking to you all again next time in The
Ontarion Report!
Bye for now…. Greg.
PS:
Something To Think About>
If you do
the crime, you should be prepared to do the time!
PPS: I
wonder if that Cop at my door was Uncle Russ???
****
The Family Site:
http://members.shaw.ca/doug_b/
The Squamidian Site:
The Biking And Stuff Site:
Have a good one..
the
doug
The Fine Print!
The articles in these issues are the sole property of the persons writing them and should be respected as such.